Challenge Yourself to Choose JOY Today ~ & Then Share Some

Challenge Yourself to Choose JOY Today

Today, more than ever, we're yearning for what we don't have right now: the freedom to enjoy the wide range of life experiences we're missing.  The fun times with family and friends, the happy situations, the things that make us feel comfortable and 'normal.'  

Our daily reality is quite different from what we're used to.  

Life normally gives us an array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness and regret to pride and love, to anger and loneliness, happiness, and excitement.  These feelings are all part of being a living, breathing human being.

So what can we DO when life isn't fair? 

Choose JOY Instead

We can revolt against the injustice, the upset, adversity, and devasting loss - and contribute to the negativity all around us.

Or we can embrace every experience, Every Joyful Moment that life gives us - the blissful ones along with the painful ones.  And everything in between.  

It's unrealistic to expect that every day will be a joyful, comfortable experience. Life is full-featured and that comes with the whole gamut of emotions - pain and loss included. 

How to FIND the Joyful Moments & CELEBRATE Them

Every morning, take a few moments to recognize all you have to be grateful for.

Do it just before going to bed as well.

Keep a daily gratitude journal or have a conversation with yourself in the mirror, on your errands, whatever works best for you.  

The point is to begin to recognize the positives.  

1. Practice sincere gratitude - no matter how challenging or difficult things seem, there's always something to be grateful for.
2. Accept life as it is - embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly.
3. Accept yourself. You are unique and divinely made.
4. Accept others as they are. They are unique and miracles too.
5. Adjust your expectations: Hope for the best, but don't expect it best to happen every time.  Life is imperfect. People are imperfect.  Disappointments are part of it.
6. Forgive.  For yourself - to be able to move forward.
7. Find creative ways to share JOY and Love

It's worth it to find that joy - and to focus on it. What we focus on grows and expands. 

Here's the next step: 

Share Joy & Love

Everyone around you is experiencing sadness, frustration, and maybe even depression right now, so, what can YOU do?  

Here are some ways you can share the joy and drop a little sunshine into someone's life - and personally make a difference for them:

1. Send a positive, complimentary text
2. Call or connect virtually
3. Send a card - snail mail lives AND an unexpected mailbox gift brightens the day of the recipient
4. Post positivity ONLY on your social feeds
5. Compliment people - genuinely
6. If you're online, and they are too, like/comment/share their stuff
7. Show up - even if it's virtually
8. Hug your family and tell them you love them
9. Leave nothing unsaid with those you love
10. Forgive, Reconnect, Mend those fences, and let bygones be bygones - it's truly freeing and uplifting. 

When everything happening around us is disheartening and disappointing - look closer - and closer to home.

Focus on where you can make a positive difference. 

I may not be able to change the whole world (today, anyway) but I can make a positive difference for at least one person, or for the few in my circle. 

Today, go home and hug your spouse.

Connect in a meaningful way with each of your children.

Call up your parents, best friend, long- lost roommate from school, and let them know you're thinking of them and that they're meaningful to you.

Reach out and share your positivity and joy with others and drop a little sunshine in.

You can make a difference.  Life is awesome.  We are blessed.

Now it's your turn…

If you're up to it, I'd love to hear from YOU. 

Which action mentioned above resonates with you the most and why?  Which will you DO today?

Leave your comments below and share your thoughts. 

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and the Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms, and Sisters making a difference in the world.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

How to Work From Home and Still Tick Off the 'To-Do' List

Many of us have been tasked with working from home - if not every day, then part of the work week - often sharing the space with our spouse who's doing the same thing AND our kids who may be schooling at home too.

That is a lot of people in the same space.  (For us, it's 6) 

As a self-employed couple with businesses of our own, my husband and I have enjoyed the convenience of a shared home office for nearly 2 decades. 

Having 4 teens sharing the same space, however, all day, every day, has been a wilderness experience that's involved: 

• managing strong personalities and their differences (everyone wants to be a Boss), 
• grappling with teen logic (does that even exist?)
• raging hormones and tempers
• diffusing frequent mico-eruptions and mini-explosions swiftly and effectively - pretty much daily

... all while trying to get stuff done for our clients, meeting deadlines, trying to stay healthy and still have time to nurture our relationship.  

It's been an epic adventure for all of us.  

On many levels.

I'm proud to say, we've so far miraculously avoided the full-on nuclear attack, but on some days...just barely.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Here are my tried and tested strategies to avoid the war in your home, keep everyone healthy and happy, and still Get Stuff Done:

1.   Stick to a Regular Routine

Continue to rise at a regular time during the week and practice your morning ritual - exercise, shower, breakfast.  Enjoy your coffee or tea while you plan your day and then ease into it.  Maybe it means a daily journal.  This helps you prepare your mind and body for a productive day of working.

2. Create a Schedule for Yourself & Your Family Members

Since we're all sharing the same space, establishing a framework for what has to happen each day, and when, has kept the kids moving forward with their academics, their instrument practice, and their physical activity.  It's been important to get that energy expended in positive ways - BEFORE they spend time connecting with their friends on social media and online games.

It also gives Mom and Dad set blocks of time to schedule client calls, project management and business management tasks as well. 

3.  Set Up Your Workspace

Find an area in your home that you can designate as your workspace.  

Maybe you prefer to work on a couch rather than at a desk, but it's important to have a place where you can stay focused, preferably without interruption (really??) that has good lighting that feels right for you.

4.  Work Your Plan

Before you start, write down your priorities for the day. 

Set out blocks of time to complete your priority tasks and stick to your schedule.  45-minute time blocks work well for me, leaving the 15 minutes between each as a buffer to transition from one focused 'assignment' to the next.   

5.  Avoid Feelings of Insolation - Stay Connected

Technology can be challenging.  There are no limits or boundaries that come with it, but it's something that does require 'management.'  

And not just for our kids, but for ourselves as well.  

Nothing 'in excess' is healthy - and that's true for screen time too.

Thankfully, we can stay connected virtually and we can feel like we're meeting and gathering - even though it's online.  

Check in with your family, friends, boss, and colleagues regularly. Update them on your schedule project progress, and deliverables, and advise of any changes along the way. 

And then... be mindful of the next key... Balance.

6.  Balance is the Key...so is Flexibility

Give yourself enough time during the day to walk away from your laptop and turn off the smartphone and put away the tablet.

Practice the 20-20-20 rule with your computer screen.  Every 20 minutes focus on something 20 feet away for at least 20 seconds to save your eyesight.  

Get up and move around, go for a walk, and get some fresh air... and don't forget to clock out at the end of your shift.  If you're working on multiple projects in a day, use www.toggl.com to track your time. 

Are these adjustments going to be easy?  Probably not at first, but we're all learning and accommodating as we go and it will get easier as we try new things, find our footing, and implement solutions that make it all go smoother.

Now it's your turn...which of these strategies do you already practice?  Which do you find most helpful?  I'd be delighted to hear from you. Please leave your comments below. 

Until next time, stay safe, healthy, and productive.  And enjoy this time with your family if you're sheltering together as our time is a precious commodity.

 About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms, and Sisters making a difference in the world.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

Couples in Crisis: How to Live in Harmony Even When We're Toughing it out Through Tough Times

Let's face it, most marriages or cohabitating partnerships have never been tested like this before.  

Together 24/7, under the same roof, WITH the kids all day, every day for the foreseeable future has the potential to take even the strongest and most resilient relationships right to the breaking point. 

If our current health emergency is negatively affecting the environment in your home, try these 'Play Fair' strategies to live in harmony with your partner for the duration and beyond:

Keep it a Private Affair 

The kids, the in-laws, the neighbours next door don't need to know what's bothering you about your spouse.  

Be respectful.

Ask your partner for a private word or wait until the kids are in bed to address the issue.  

Avoid yelling about it in the yard or raising your voice with the windows wide open.  That'll only embarrass your spouse and move you further away from a solution, rather than closer to one.

Stay in the 'Here & Now' 

This is not the time to be bringing up grievances you've been carrying around with you from last week, last month, a decade ago (yes, some of us hold grudges for a lonnnng time) or even yesterday and using them as weapons against your spouse.

Discuss only what's bothering you tody and avoid every other irrelevant transgression from the past or complaint about the inlaws that's weighing you down.

Be Honest and Real  

Stay on topic.  Don't expect your partner to clairvoyantly know what's bothering you.  

If your spouse asks 'What's Wrong,' avoid the eye roll, be specific and calm in your response and tell them what's bothering you, with the intention of getting to a better place together.

Avoid Character Assassination 

When we're deep in an argument or disagreement, it's easy to leap on our partner personally.  When the argument deteriorates to this level, the battle line has been crossed into the most dangerous and damaging territory.  

Avoid launching an attack on your partner's character when you're letting them know what's upsetting you. Keep to specifics about the situation. Aim to solve the problem at hand and not to change who your partner is.

Be Solution-Oriented 

You're objective is to find a solution together.  Rather than escalating the battle to war by bringing in the heavy artillery, stick to troubleshooting and solving the one issue at hand.  

Work through it together, respectfully and calmly. 

Allow Your Partner To Retreat With Dignity

Even when you feel you're right and you've wrapped up the disagreement or argument, avoid bopping your partner on the head with it.  

Let it rest.  

Get some air.  

Let your spouse take some time to lick their wounds.  Once it's closed, let it stay closed.  

If an apology is offered, accept it.  Forgive.  Let go. Move forward. 

Be a gracious winner.  Be a gracious loser too.  Start fresh a little later or maybe even the next day.  Chances are, everyone will feel better after a good sleep.  

Don't Overreact  

'Don't kill a mosquito with a shotgun.' ~ Dr. Phil  

If your partner is bringing something to your attention, be proportional in your intensity with your response.  

There's no need to bring a sledgehammer to the party if your spouse is simply complaining about your dirty laundry left on the bedroom floor.  

This is a time to keep your cool, try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions and be reasonable.  

Instead, express how you're perceiving your partners' requests.  "Can you please just put your dirty laundry in the hamper?"   

We all have to get through this together and share the space we're living in.  Do what you can to protect the environment.  What can you do specifically to make it easier for everyone involved to get along better and enjoy this time together more? 

Practice Gratitude  

Finish each day by recognizing the many blessings you see in your life and share them with your partner. 

Share your hopes.  Your aspirations.  Your dreams.  

Take up a daily journaling practice to help you process all you're going through and support your mental health through these challenges and the ones that lay ahead. 

I have no doubt, these simple strategies will open up all kinds of healthy, positive conversation topics for you and your partner and bring you even closer together as you work through the challenges that this unprecedented situation presents for us.

We are going to get through this.  

This pandemic will pass.  

It is my hope that as our global health crisis moves into the rear view that it doesn't become the cause for a Couples's Crisis for you and your partner.  Protect your partnership with these winning strategies. 

Now it's your turn.

I'd love to hear which of these strategies you already practice in your relationship.  Which will you try to do more often?   Leave a comment below.

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms and Sisters making a difference in the world.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

When Life Leads Us On Journeys We'd Never Choose

Life leads us on journeys we'd never choose to go on - if it were up to us.

You've likely heard this one: A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are meant for.

To continue to grow and move forward, it's important to remain open to possibilities - to keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. We must venture out and leave the safe harbour, to dream, to explore...to DO.
Oftentimes, we have no choice but to voyage into the unknown and embark on unexpected adventures.
Oftentimes, we must journey to fearful places. Beginning a new career, taking on a new role in a new place of work, or deciding to leave a secure job that doesn't light us up are scenarios that can be filled with uncertainty.

• Starting a family can be terrifying.
• Leaping into a new business venture - also terrifying.
• Times of transition can be painful.
• Sometimes we have to let go of things we care about very much.
• We may have to face a scary diagnosis and our own mortality.
• Losing a loved one is devastating.

Oftentimes, those adventures through uncharted waters turn out to be exactly what we need to become incredible, unstoppable, more resilient, courageous.

According to Dr. Karl Albrecht, there are 5 Types of Fears that classify our human experience.

1. EXTINCTION

Also known as existential anxiety, this is the panicky feeling we get when we peek over the edge of a cliff or tall building or when we consider the possibility of being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness.

When we fear annihilation, it's more than just a fear of death, it's anxiety over how we might die.

Triggers for this type of fear include heights, fear of the dark, or an aversion to flying.

2. BODILY INVASION OR MUTILATION

This would be a fear of being physically unsafe or under attack where there's a risk of losing an important body part or a vital body function or having your body invaded.

Triggers for this type of fear include anxieties about snakes and spiders, rabid dogs, hungry sharks, uncontrollable germs, being poked with needles. As much as we like to avoid them, certain medical procedures have to happen and the annual trip to the dentist is necessary for our health.

3. LOSS OF AUTONOMY

The fear of being confined, trapped, restricted, or suffocated is a real fear for many people. This is the fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, imprisoned, or restricted, making us helpless and at the mercy of another or circumstances beyond our control.

When the fear of loss of control or freedom is coupled with a lack of human connection, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues have an opportunity to set in, take hold, and send people over the edge.

Add in challenges including economic or financial struggles, a significant loss or serious health diagnosis and we have a recipe for disaster.

Triggers for this type of fear include poverty, debilitating illness, aging, grief, scenarios where we feel helpless and powerless, overwhelmed with parenthood responsibilities or financial burdens.

4. SEPARATION, REJECTION, ABANDONMENT

Humans have an inherent need to belong to a community.

When someone suffers from a loss of connectedness, when they feel unwanted or undervalued, according to Dr. Albrecht, their wellbeing, and even their chances for survival are threatened.

Triggers for this type of fear include the death of a relationship or a loved one, an argument or disagreement with someone we care about or how we feel when we're given the 'Silent Treatment' from someone we love.

5. HUMILIATION, SAME OR UNWORTHINESS

We all need to feel lovable, feel worthy of love and valued to be able to have healthy relationships with others, and with ourselves.

Feelings of shame can be crushing and even life-threatening.

Most of us will avoid humiliation at all costs as it's been known to make us physically ill, make our skin prickle, our cheeks blush, and even cause hyperventilation or stabbing pains where we'd rather disappear in a hole.

Feeling shame and humiliation can make us feel worthless and unlovable, and unfortunately can even lead people to opt for suicide.

Triggers for this type of fear include failure, criticism, bullying, victimization, public speaking, being caught in a lie or committing a crime, losing a job or the end of a love relationship. It could also be as simple as forgetting the birthday of a loved one or burning dinner for the family.

What to do when we're faced with something we have to do but don't like:

Here are 3 helpful strategies to journey onward even when we must face our deepest fears and are challenged to undertake a voyage we didn't sign up for:

1. Find the lessons your experiences have given you and be grateful for them - the good, the bad, and EVEN the ugly.
2. Have faith in the process, even when you may not understand it entirely.
3. YOUR journey has valuable lessons for you - ones you're meant to learn. The course will unfold ahead of you when you have the courage to believe that you're exactly where you're meant to be, in this very moment.

Just keep moving forward. Adjust those sails to the wind that storm is kicking up...and sail on. I wish you safe travels and lots of learning on your way.

Now it's your turn. I invite you to share in the comments below, or if you'd prefer, in your journal:

1. What scary experience led you to become the person you are today?
2. What were the important lessons or key takeaways from that experience?

About the Author:
Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for women making a difference in the world with their unique talents and gifts.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

The Soulmate Secret: How to Ignite the Passion in Your Partnership

 

Marriage.  It can be a beautiful thing.  It can be a challenging thing.  Got Kids?? Got a Mortgage? Is there a Global Pandemic right now? 

Did you know that it only takes 1 partner to create a magnificent marriage?

What??!! Did you read that correctly?  Yes, you did!

Any time beyond the honeymoon phase and you're into uncharted territory and at some point, you're in for some rough seas.  After all, we're talking about the REST of our LIVING DAYS here.

That is a LONG journey!

And you can expect a nightmarish hurricane at some point along your journey. (20+ years married, 4 teens, 2 cancer sh*t storms behind us - writing with the benefit of some experience)

So, how can you create a strong, unshakeable partnership - one that will withstand the test of TIME and the odd Tsunami - and LOVE your partner each and every day along the way?

As we're into February - the month of Love and Connection - here's a little challenge for you.

Take the Soulmate Secret Mini-Challenge

Try these 7 strategies to strengthen the relationship you share with your Valentine.  

They are simple, not easy, but they ARE powerful and will make a difference in your relationship. Master these and they'll add playfulness and passion to your partnership and bring out the very best in your Beloved.

And pssst - this is for YOU...because it only takes one partner to move the needle in your marriage from bland to breathtaking!

Challenge #1 - Recognition

Babies cry for it and grown-ups die for it (no joke).

Your FIRST challenge is to make a conscious effort to recognize your partner for something they do to contribute to your life in a positive way each day this month. 

It is SO easy to take our partner for granted.  After all, they're just there every single day - with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Take a moment to let them know how much they mean to you.

Be specific about it too.

When they pick up the kids, wipe down the counter, put away the dishes or tidy their own mess, fix dinner, the leaky faucet, or take care of SOMETHING that means YOU don't have to, thank them.

Tell your life partner how much you appreciate them.  Actually, take a moment and speak those words of gratitude.  Even better, show them.

Keep up this daily recognition process even when you're tired.  Even when you're frustrated.  Even when you have to dig deep because you may not be 'feelin' it' today.  (Yes, I get you!)  And do it without any expectation of reciprocity too - just as a gesture of good faith and kindness.

When we elevate our attitude and give genuinely, it's only natural that our partner will begin to reciprocate as well.  Consider this act of daily gratitude an investment in your marriage and make it a habit.

Aim for 3 times a day this month and really light your partner up.

Challenge #2 

Your Words ~ Choose Nice Ones

Our words have incredible power.

It's not just what we say out loud.

What we write or text, even what we say to ourselves, and especially the negative things we say to other people about our partner behind their back.

Those nasty words have lasting, damaging effects.

So, this month, decide to STOP complaining.

Make a conscious effort to speak only positive words out loud about your partner and about your kids (and even about your own self - that little gremlin voice speaking in your ear each day can be nasty too).

Quit ALL complaining to anyone outside your partnership.

If you have an issue with something that's going on in your relationship...be respectful.  Go to your partner, take responsibility for your part in the problem, and find a solution together.  There's no need to complain to your sister, your mother, or even to your best friend.

Put your partner first.  Always.

Master THIS strategy and you'll strengthen your alignment with your Beloved, you'll build trust and you'll see a positive shift across the board in all areas of your life if you practice this with your children and master your own Gremlin Voice too.

Challenge #3 

Be The Change You Want To See

You've probably heard THAT one before!

But here's the thing...can we really expect to be treated any differently than how we treat our partner?

And if we WANT to engage the universal law of reciprocity, guess what?  We have to GIVE first.

Here's the next challenge:  Pick 3 qualities you value most highly as a partner.  

Next, consider what you already do or what you CAN do to emulate those three qualities.

If it's something you're already doing, keep at it. If there's something MORE you can do, try it.

If 'Connectedness' is something you value in your relationship, what can you do to bring more connectedness into it?  Are a babysitter and a date night out together overdue?  A 'disconnected' evening away from devices and screens may be a great way to reconnect with your Love.

If adventure is something you value, suggest something active or something new that you can do together.

If variety is something you cherish, how can you bring more of it into your relationship?

This is the perfect time to be creative and try new things.  And you know what they say about variety...

Challenge #4 

Choose JOY - and wave the white flag

So simple, right?  Nnnnnope!

I struggle with this one myself, even though I've been practicing these strategies for a couple of decades now.

Giving in is tough to do - ESPECIALLY when you're SO SURE you're right!

Your next challenge:   

When the opportunity calls for it, Give In.

Here's how it works:  when it comes to being right, or being happy...choose happiness for the sake of your partnership.  When involved in a disagreement or an argument, think tranquil thoughts, swallow your pride, and preserve the peace by simply waving the white flag.

Chances are, it's not worth the fight in the long run anyway.

And if it feels like it is worth the fight today, try sleeping on it.  Chances are, it won't be as big of a deal in the morning.

Challenge #5 

Scuttle the Score Card

Yes, you represent 50% of your partnership but measuring and scorekeeping WILL poison even the strongest relationship.

Rather than being focused on how much you're giving and weighing it against how much you're NOT getting from your partner, focus on being 100% in your partnership for THEIR happiness.

Your next challenge for the month of LOVE is to Eliminate the Score Keeping.

If we're always focused on how we're getting the short end of the deal, we'll never FEEL satisfied.  

See how there's always a winner and a loser in this arrangement?

Set your relationship up for happiness all around.  

Stop keeping score and instead, choose to do something extra to make your partner happy today, and every day this month.  Keep it up and eventually, you'll see that the investments you're making into your relationship bank will pay off!  You'll strengthen your relationship and increase the satisfaction you feel from your marriage and the joy in YOUR life as well.

Challenge #6 

Celebrate Your Differences

Have you heard that opposites attract?

Chances are, you've married yours!

It may have been cute while you were dating, but a few years into a lifelong partnership and it can be infuriating when our partner doesn't do things the way we would. 

The next step in this challenge is to Recognize Your Partner's Differences and CELEBRATE them, rather than abhorring them.

To do this:

1. Make a list (as in, actually write it down on paper) of your partner's personality strengths, and then,
2. Consider how they balance off your own.

Where one is good at math, the other may be awesome at writing.  All the better for helping the kids with their homework.  

Where one is a strict disciplinarian with the children, the other is more compassionate and understanding - both examples your children need to see. 

Where one is a long-term planner, the other lives more in the moment...see what I'm getting at?

Consider how you both make a wonderful team, and recognize the beauty and value of your differences.  Celebrate those amazing differences and let your partner know how much they mean to you.

Final Challenge: Add in the Elements of Anticipation & Surprise

I'd mentioned above about variety being the spice of life.

Here's your Final Mini Challenge:  Surprise your Beloved! 

What can you do this Valentine's Day that will surprise your partner in a positive way?

Once you've decided what you'll do, plan a little. Put some effort into making this Valentine's Day a special event.

What can you do to make it stand out as extraordinary? 

To make this Valentine's Day tantalizingly sensual, consider all 5 senses.

• How can you make your event LOOK special?
• What would you like your partner to hear?  A favourite song, soft music playing?  Certainly not bickering teens or crying babies, so how can you remedy that?
• Consider your partner's favourite scent.  Something spicy?  Something floral?
• Taste. What would send your partner over the edge?  Pick up something special, something decadent, some champagne for the occasion, maybe?  Be creative. 
• Touch...well, you KNOW where this is heading...variety is, after all, the spice of life.  Maybe try something new and exciting?

Those little details make all the difference and so does the effort you put into it.  It won't go unrecognized.

Now...take it to the NEXT LEVEL & up the anticipation factor a little:  Make It Spicy.  Here's how to do that:

A few days before...start dropping little clues about your scheme. 

• Send some tantalizing texts giving clues to what you're thinking & planning 
• Leave a voice message to tickle your beloved's imagination 
• Leave a little love note somewhere unexpected - a surprise to get them wondering...

Do everything you can think of to build anticipation and let your partner know you're thinking of them.

And of course, I wish you a fantastic Valentine's Day this year AND marital bliss too!

Now, it's your turn. Let me know if you try this at home and the results (PG only please!).  Leave your comments below

  

If you'd like to take it a little further and truly transform your relationship from mundane to a magnificent, rock-solid, 100% All-In for Happiness, OR if you'd like to find YOUR Soul-Level Love and be matched for life, then I'd love to help.

Let's have a chat about it. 

Contact me to schedule your 'Mate To Soulmate' free call. 

By the end of our chat, you'll have a crystal clear vision for the relationship of your dreams and an action plan to create it.

andrea@coachforlife.ca

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for solution & success-minded women.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

The Soulmate Secret: How to Meet Your Dream Partner in Today's Digital World

Are You Matched for Life?  

Most of us end up in a relationship by default.  

Think about it for a second...how did your past relationships begin?  A blind date? A happen chance meeting?  Someone from work or in your class?

If your place has always been at the 'Singles' Table' and you'd like to take your turn down the aisle of love, read on for a simple, stepping-stone plan to help. 

Perhaps you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, swiping left and if you've been on the dating roller coaster for a while, you've had it with kissing the frogs.  

You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, right?  

That's called insanity!

With 3 long-term relationships in my past, I qualified as a serial monogamous dater.  The first (a happen-chance meeting) lasted nearly 4 years, all through high school.  The next (someone from school), another 5-year investment right through university and beyond.  A 3rd failed relationship (a blind date) lasted nearly three more.

By the end of that final one, I was 26, (yes, if you did the math on that, I began that first long-term relationship at the tender age of 14) and I was determined to make the next relationship, THE relationship.  

Ultimately, I wanted the Fairy Tale

I wanted to meet Prince Charming, fall madly in love, be married, buy a beautiful house, start a family, and live happily ever after in blissful, wedded harmony.  I that order.  Yeah, Yeah...a tall order.  I KNOW!  And I can just imagine your eyeballs rolling right now too. 

Who doesn't want that kind of happiness with their LIFE partner?  

I was finally ready to be Matched for Life and here's exactly how I pulled it off:

Stepping Stones to Finding Your Perfect Match

1st - STEP OFF the Dating Roller Coaster and Make a List

Make 3 actually.

It's not necessary to take yourself off the market forever, just time enough to take stock and figure out what you really want.

It’s time to DESIGN your relationship, rather than just falling into one. 

Why a list?

After so many serious heartbreaks I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and my responsibility for past relationship failures.  

I questioned my own judgment, didn't trust myself to make wise choices, and could easily have been sucked into a vortex of depression over it.

Recognizing all I brought to the relationship table helped me combat those nasty feelings and shift into the mindset that I DID deserve a mind-blowing, lasting, blissful marriage to a wonderful and dedicated partner, one who shared my values and wanted the same things out of life that I did.

But first...I needed to see it.  So I can't stress to you the value of this step:

Your First List - All of Your Positives

Make a list of all that you bring to the relationship of your dreams.  This is not the time to hold back.  List ALL of your positive qualities, attributes, talents, strengths and personality traits.

In fact, I challenge you to fill an entire page.  Aim for at least 100 reasons why you deserve your DREAM partner and everything you have to offer that person.

Your Second List - Determine What You Really Want   

Since I'd always just 'fallen' into a relationship, I'd never put much thought into 'picking' my partner specifically. 

It was time to get super specific about what I wanted from the next relationship.  

1. What is the relationship that makes YOUR heart sing?  
2. Describe the relationship you TRULY yearn for:  What does that relationship look like, feel like, actually mean for you? 
3. What kind of relationship will fuel your soul and empower you to live your best life and be your most authentic self?  
4. Who will you be in that relationship?  How will you be in that relationship?

Describe it all in detail.  The more detail, the better.

Your Third List - ALL of the Qualities of Your Life Partner

Let's meet your dream partner in your mind FIRST.  Let's try to get as specific as we can with this.

• What is most important to you when it comes to designing your life partner?  
• What does that person look like?
• What does that person like to do?
• What are their values?  What's important to him or her?
• What is he or she interested in?
• What do you imagine doing together?
• Hopes, dreams, what's the future you'd like to see yourself creating together?

Put everything on your wish list.  Let it all flow - from your heart and from your soul too - this is your opportunity to become connected with your perfect match. 

Next step:  Organizing that big, long list may be a bit of a project, but once you have it all written out,  the next step is to narrow it down to the five most important attributes or qualities you'd like your next partner to possess. 

It may mean you have to restructure and reorganize, it may mean that you have to combine a few together because they stem from the same value, but spend some time with this. It's a very important step. 

Step 2 - Write out the Top 5 Qualities of Your Life Partner

I'm not joking - actually write them out - on paper, in your notebook or journal, and have them on a digital record somewhere so the list is easily accessible.  

But don't stop there.  This is important.  Memorize those top five qualities.  This little list of 5 is your list of dealbreakers.

These were mine:  

1. Shared Values of Honesty, Integrity, and Loyalty
2. Committed to Family
3. Financially stable and passionate about his career/business
4. Ready for marriage
5. Brings out the best in me and tolerates the worst - inspires me to become the very best person I can be.

Now - Visualize yourself with that person.  

Where will you go?  What will you do? What kind of life will you build together?

Actually begin to picture yourself in your mind's eye creating a life together. There is incredible power in visualization.  

Step 3 - Enlist the Universal Law of Attraction

I was willing to try something new to get a different result, so you may be willing too.

Fulfilling the TALL order I had, meant enlisting the natural powers of the universe.

This may sound a little 'WooWoo' and you're welcome to skip this step if you'd like but here's what I did:  I wrote a heartfelt note addressed 'To The Universe' and in it, I requested that my perfect lifemate be introduced to me in some way because I was ready.  I was deserving. 

I also wholeheartedly believed that there was an abundance of possible matches out there designed for me and that they were ready and searching for their life partner as well and were just as ready to create an amazing life together - with me.   

I took my big long list with the top 5 prioritized items that I'd committed to memory along with that letter outside. And burnt it. (If you're going to do this too, please be safe!!) 

I let the smoke of that 'wish list' dissipate to the heavens with my hopes and dreams and I was expectant - I would be open to let the universe deliver.

I trust that it will for you too.

The next step is an important one and for it to work, it required a mindset shift on my part and here it is:  My TIME is valuable!

To honour and respect this new guideline, I had to set some new standards for myself and I recommend this to you as well.  It's time to become more discerning with how you spend your time. Here's how:

Step 4 - Make a Commitment to Yourself

The commitment part of this process was also entirely new to me.

Rather than just bumping along in a relationship and seeing where things ended up, I vowed that I wouldn't become emotionally involved with anyone unless I was absolutely positive they possessed each of those 5 requisite qualities.

I was also committing to my DREAM partner - the one who existed in my mind, the one who'd lead to the realization of my relationship goals.  

It may not be the same for you, but for me, 'No Emotional Involvement' meant no physical involvement.  If you're familiar with the Baseball analogy, that specifically meant 3 bases loaded but for the time being, until those 5 dealbreakers could be 'proven', the game ends before the runs come in.

A little old-fashioned 'dating' was in order and I was determined to make wiser choices about my next relationship.  

And I recommend the same for you.  While it may not mean taking the home runs off the table, take the time to determine that the NEXT person you become involved with possesses all of your Top 5 qualities BEFORE becoming emotionally invested - whatever that means for you.  

Decide that if they don't have those qualities, they just don't get your time, energy, effort and most importantly, your love and affection.

What Next? Be OPEN to Possibility

Trusting that the universe would actually deliver my requested ideal lifemate was a completely foreign concept for me.  

I willed myself to BELIEVE that my future partner existed and that all I had to do was remain open to possibilities so that the opportunity for us to meet would come about. 

Most people go through their life and if romance happens to spark up along the way, they just fall into that relationship.  It all happens on autopilot.

This polar shift in dating strategy meant being open to some unconditional dating methods.

I recommend the same for you:  

• If a friend calls to see if you're willing to meet a friend of theirs who's a little melancholy after being dumped by their previous paramour, accommodate.
• When another friend calls with news that they're starting up a new dating service and need single adults to get started, swallow your skepticism and oblige because you can't be sure exactly how your partner will be introduced to you. 

Be open to new opportunities and BELIEVE that your soul-level love match will come into your life and remain open to the opportunity.  Trust that the universe will deliver your request.

This process actually WORKED.

My husband and I did meet on a blind date through a 'third party' connection - something I never would have agreed to without my trailblazing new attitude toward dating at the time. 

Had we not taken unconventional measures to open ourselves up to the possibilities of meeting new people with common objectives, we would not have met. 

We were married in September 2000 after a year of dating and an 18-month-long engagement.  

Those 5 characteristics have been vitally important while we built our incredible life together - and continue to do so 25 years later. 

Some people may consider this methodical approach of attracting a life partner to be callous or unemotional, but I believe wholeheartedly in this process and I recommend it to those I work with, helping them find their soul-level love.

Is our marriage perfect? Absolutely not.  

Are we perfect?  Nope. (is any human???)

Did the universe deliver my perfect life partner?  I believe it did.  

Now, It's Your Turn

I'd love to know:   

1. Are you READY to meet the love of your life? 
2. Are you up for trying something new in the dating department to get a different result for yourself?
3. Are you willing to try THIS process? 

If you'd like some guidance along the way with implementing this method, I'd be happy to chat with you about it.

Contact me to schedule your 'Matched For Life - The One' complimentary call and take the first step toward finding your soul-level life partner today. 

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs and Soloists, Supermoms and Sisters making a difference in the world with their unique talents and gifts.  Contact her privately: andrea@coachforlife.ca.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.