Let's face it, most marriages or cohabitating partnerships have never been tested like this before.
Together 24/7, under the same roof, WITH the kids all day, every day for the foreseeable future has the potential to take even the strongest and most resilient relationships right to the breaking point.
The kids, the in-laws, the neighbours next door don't need to know what's bothering you about your spouse.
Be respectful.
Ask your partner for a private word or wait until the kids are in bed to address the issue.
Avoid yelling about it in the yard or raising your voice with the windows wide open. That'll only embarrass your spouse and move you further away from a solution, rather than closer to one.
Stay in the 'Here & Now'
This is not the time to be bringing up grievances you've been carrying around with you from last week, last month, a decade ago (yes, some of us hold grudges for a lonnnng time) or even yesterday and using them as weapons against your spouse.
Discuss only what's bothering you tody and avoid every other irrelevant transgression from the past or complaint about the inlaws that's weighing you down.
Be Honest and Real
Stay on topic. Don't expect your partner to clairvoyantly know what's bothering you.
If your spouse asks 'What's Wrong,' avoid the eye roll, be specific and calm in your response and tell them what's bothering you, with the intention of getting to a better place together.
If your spouse asks 'What's Wrong,' avoid the eye roll, be specific and calm in your response and tell them what's bothering you, with the intention of getting to a better place together.
Avoid Character Assassination
When we're deep in an argument or disagreement, it's easy to leap on our partner personally. When the argument deteriorates to this level, the battle line has been crossed into the most dangerous and damaging territory.
Avoid launching an attack on your partner's character when you're letting them know what's upsetting you. Keep to specifics about the situation. Aim to solve the problem at hand and not to change who your partner is.
Be Solution-Oriented
You're objective is to find a solution together. Rather than escalating the battle to war by bringing in the heavy artillery, stick to troubleshooting and solving the one issue at hand.
Work through it together, respectfully and calmly.
Work through it together, respectfully and calmly.
Allow Your Partner To Retreat With Dignity
Even when you feel you're right and you've wrapped up the disagreement or argument, avoid bopping your partner on the head with it.
Let it rest.
Get some air.
Let your spouse take some time to lick their wounds. Once it's closed, let it stay closed.
Let it rest.
Get some air.
Let your spouse take some time to lick their wounds. Once it's closed, let it stay closed.
If an apology is offered, accept it. Forgive. Let go. Move forward.
Be a gracious winner. Be a gracious loser too. Start fresh a little later or maybe even the next day. Chances are, everyone will feel better after a good sleep.
Don't Overreact
'Don't kill a mosquito with a shotgun.' ~ Dr. Phil
If your partner is bringing something to your attention, be proportional in your intensity with your response.
There's no need to bring a sledgehammer to the party if your spouse is simply complaining about your dirty laundry left on the bedroom floor.
This is a time to keep your cool, try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions and be reasonable.
Instead, express how you're perceiving your partners' requests. "Can you please just put your dirty laundry in the hamper?"
We all have to get through this together and share the space we're living in. Do what you can to protect the environment. What can you do specifically to make it easier for everyone involved to get along better and enjoy this time together more?
This is a time to keep your cool, try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions and be reasonable.
Instead, express how you're perceiving your partners' requests. "Can you please just put your dirty laundry in the hamper?"
We all have to get through this together and share the space we're living in. Do what you can to protect the environment. What can you do specifically to make it easier for everyone involved to get along better and enjoy this time together more?
Practice Gratitude
Finish each day by recognizing the many blessings you see in your life and share them with your partner. Share your hopes. Your aspirations. Your dreams.
Take up a daily journaling practice to help you process all you're going through and support your mental health through these challenges and the ones that lay ahead.
I have no doubt, these simple strategies will open up all kinds of healthy, positive conversation topics for you and your partner and bring you even closer together as you work through the challenges that this unprecedented situation presents for us.
We are going to get through this.
This pandemic will pass.
It is my hope that as our global health crisis moves into the rear view that it doesn't become the cause for a Couples's Crisis for you and your partner. Protect your partnership with these winning strategies.
Now it's your turn.
I'd love to hear which of these strategies you already practice in your relationship. Which will you try to do more often? Leave a comment below.
About the Author:
Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms and Sisters making a difference in the world.
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