Are You Matched for Life?
Most of us end up in a relationship by default.
Think about it for a second...how did your past relationships begin? A blind date? A happen chance meeting? Someone from work or in your class?
If your place has always been at the 'Singles' Table' and you'd like to take your turn down the aisle of love, read on for a simple, stepping-stone plan to help.
Think about it for a second...how did your past relationships begin? A blind date? A happen chance meeting? Someone from work or in your class?
If your place has always been at the 'Singles' Table' and you'd like to take your turn down the aisle of love, read on for a simple, stepping-stone plan to help.
You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, right?
That's called insanity!
With 3 long-term relationships in my past, I qualified as a serial monogamous dater. The first (a happen-chance meeting) lasted nearly 4 years, all through high school. The next (someone from school), another 5-year investment right through university and beyond. A 3rd failed relationship (a blind date) lasted nearly three more.
By the end of that final one, I was 26, (yes, if you did the math on that, I began that first long-term relationship at the tender age of 14) and I was determined to make the next relationship, THE relationship.
Ultimately, I wanted the Fairy Tale
I wanted to meet Prince Charming, fall madly in love, be married, buy a beautiful house, start a family, and live happily ever after in blissful, wedded harmony. I that order. Yeah, Yeah...a tall order. I KNOW! And I can just imagine your eyeballs rolling right now too.
Who doesn't want that kind of happiness with their LIFE partner?
I was finally ready to be Matched for Life and here's exactly how I pulled it off:
Stepping Stones to Finding Your Perfect Match
1st - STEP OFF the Dating Roller Coaster and Make a List
Make 3 actually.
It's not necessary to take yourself off the market forever, just time enough to take stock and figure out what you really want.
Make 3 actually.
It's not necessary to take yourself off the market forever, just time enough to take stock and figure out what you really want.
It’s time to DESIGN your relationship, rather than just falling into one.
Why a list?
After so many serious heartbreaks I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and my responsibility for past relationship failures.
Why a list?
After so many serious heartbreaks I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and my responsibility for past relationship failures.
I questioned my own judgment, didn't trust myself to make wise choices, and could easily have been sucked into a vortex of depression over it.
Recognizing all I brought to the relationship table helped me combat those nasty feelings and shift into the mindset that I DID deserve a mind-blowing, lasting, blissful marriage to a wonderful and dedicated partner, one who shared my values and wanted the same things out of life that I did.
Recognizing all I brought to the relationship table helped me combat those nasty feelings and shift into the mindset that I DID deserve a mind-blowing, lasting, blissful marriage to a wonderful and dedicated partner, one who shared my values and wanted the same things out of life that I did.
But first...I needed to see it. So I can't stress to you the value of this step:
Your First List - All of Your Positives
Make a list of all that you bring to the relationship of your dreams. This is not the time to hold back. List ALL of your positive qualities, attributes, talents, strengths and personality traits.
In fact, I challenge you to fill an entire page. Aim for at least 100 reasons why you deserve your DREAM partner and everything you have to offer that person.
Your First List - All of Your Positives
Make a list of all that you bring to the relationship of your dreams. This is not the time to hold back. List ALL of your positive qualities, attributes, talents, strengths and personality traits.
In fact, I challenge you to fill an entire page. Aim for at least 100 reasons why you deserve your DREAM partner and everything you have to offer that person.
Your Second List - Determine What You Really Want Since I'd always just 'fallen' into a relationship, I'd never put much thought into 'picking' my partner specifically.
It was time to get super specific about what I wanted from the next relationship.
Your Third List - ALL of the Qualities of Your Life Partner
- What is the relationship that makes YOUR heart sing?
- Describe the relationship you TRULY yearn for: What does that relationship look like, feel like, actually mean for you?
- What kind of relationship will fuel your soul and empower you to live your best life and be your most authentic self?
- Who will you be in that relationship? How will you be in that relationship?
Your Third List - ALL of the Qualities of Your Life Partner
Let's meet your dream partner in your mind FIRST. Let's try to get as specific as we can with this.
- What is most important to you when it comes to designing your life partner?
- What does that person look like?
- What does that person like to do?
- What are their values? What's important to him or her?
- What is he or she interested in?
- What do you imagine doing together?
- Hopes, dreams, what's the future you'd like to see yourself creating together?
Next step: Organizing that big, long list may be a bit of a project, but once you have it all written out, the next step is to narrow it down to the five most important attributes or qualities you'd like your next partner to possess.
It may mean you have to restructure and reorganize, it may mean that you have to combine a few together because they stem from the same value, but spend some time with this. It's a very important step.
Step 2 - Write out the Top 5 Qualities of Your Life Partner
I'm not joking - actually write them out - on paper, in your notebook or journal, and have them on a digital record somewhere so the list is easily accessible.
I'm not joking - actually write them out - on paper, in your notebook or journal, and have them on a digital record somewhere so the list is easily accessible.
But don't stop there. This is important. Memorize those top five qualities. This little list of 5 is your list of dealbreakers.
These were mine:
- Shared Values of Honesty, Integrity, and Loyalty
- Committed to Family
- Financially stable and passionate about his career/business
- Ready for marriage
- Brings out the best in me and tolerates the worst - inspires me to become the very best person I can be.
Now - Visualize yourself with that person.
Where will you go? What will you do? What kind of life will you build together?
Actually begin to picture yourself in your mind's eye creating a life together. There is incredible power in visualization.
Step 3 - Enlist the Universal Law of Attraction
I was willing to try something new to get a different result, so you may be willing too.
Fulfilling the TALL order I had, meant enlisting the natural powers of the universe.
This may sound a little 'WooWoo' and you're welcome to skip this step if you'd like but here's what I did: I wrote a heartfelt note addressed 'To The Universe' and in it, I requested that my perfect lifemate be introduced to me in some way because I was ready. I was deserving.
I also wholeheartedly believed that there was an abundance of possible matches out there designed for me and that they were ready and searching for their life partner as well and were just as ready to create an amazing life together - with me.
Fulfilling the TALL order I had, meant enlisting the natural powers of the universe.
This may sound a little 'WooWoo' and you're welcome to skip this step if you'd like but here's what I did: I wrote a heartfelt note addressed 'To The Universe' and in it, I requested that my perfect lifemate be introduced to me in some way because I was ready. I was deserving.
I also wholeheartedly believed that there was an abundance of possible matches out there designed for me and that they were ready and searching for their life partner as well and were just as ready to create an amazing life together - with me.
I took my big long list with the top 5 prioritized items that I'd committed to memory along with that letter outside. And burnt it. (If you're going to do this too, please be safe!!)
I let the smoke of that 'wish list' dissipate to the heavens with my hopes and dreams and I was expectant - I would be open to let the universe deliver.
I trust that it will for you too.
I trust that it will for you too.
The next step is an important one and for it to work, it required a mindset shift on my part and here it is: My TIME is valuable!
To honour and respect this new guideline, I had to set some new standards for myself and I recommend this to you as well. It's time to become more discerning with how you spend your time. Here's how:
To honour and respect this new guideline, I had to set some new standards for myself and I recommend this to you as well. It's time to become more discerning with how you spend your time. Here's how:
Step 4 - Make a Commitment to Yourself
The commitment part of this process was also entirely new to me.
Rather than just bumping along in a relationship and seeing where things ended up, I vowed that I wouldn't become emotionally involved with anyone unless I was absolutely positive they possessed each of those 5 requisite qualities.
I was also committing to my DREAM partner - the one who existed in my mind, the one who'd lead to the realization of my relationship goals.
It may not be the same for you, but for me, 'No Emotional Involvement' meant no physical involvement. If you're familiar with the Baseball analogy, that specifically meant 3 bases loaded but for the time being, until those 5 dealbreakers could be 'proven', the game ends before the runs come in.
The commitment part of this process was also entirely new to me.
Rather than just bumping along in a relationship and seeing where things ended up, I vowed that I wouldn't become emotionally involved with anyone unless I was absolutely positive they possessed each of those 5 requisite qualities.
I was also committing to my DREAM partner - the one who existed in my mind, the one who'd lead to the realization of my relationship goals.
It may not be the same for you, but for me, 'No Emotional Involvement' meant no physical involvement. If you're familiar with the Baseball analogy, that specifically meant 3 bases loaded but for the time being, until those 5 dealbreakers could be 'proven', the game ends before the runs come in.
A little old-fashioned 'dating' was in order and I was determined to make wiser choices about my next relationship.
And I recommend the same for you. While it may not mean taking the home runs off the table, take the time to determine that the NEXT person you become involved with possesses all of your Top 5 qualities BEFORE becoming emotionally invested - whatever that means for you.
And I recommend the same for you. While it may not mean taking the home runs off the table, take the time to determine that the NEXT person you become involved with possesses all of your Top 5 qualities BEFORE becoming emotionally invested - whatever that means for you.
Decide that if they don't have those qualities, they just don't get your time, energy, effort and most importantly, your love and affection.
What Next? Be OPEN to Possibility
Trusting that the universe would actually deliver my requested ideal lifemate was a completely foreign concept for me.
I willed myself to BELIEVE that my future partner existed and that all I had to do was remain open to possibilities so that the opportunity for us to meet would come about.
Most people go through their life and if romance happens to spark up along the way, they just fall into that relationship. It all happens on autopilot.
This polar shift in dating strategy meant being open to some unconditional dating methods.
I recommend the same for you:
Trusting that the universe would actually deliver my requested ideal lifemate was a completely foreign concept for me. I willed myself to BELIEVE that my future partner existed and that all I had to do was remain open to possibilities so that the opportunity for us to meet would come about.
Most people go through their life and if romance happens to spark up along the way, they just fall into that relationship. It all happens on autopilot.
This polar shift in dating strategy meant being open to some unconditional dating methods.
I recommend the same for you:
- If a friend calls to see if you're willing to meet a friend of theirs who's a little melancholy after being dumped by their previous paramour, accommodate.
- When another friend calls with news that they're starting up a new dating service and need single adults to get started, swallow your skepticism and oblige because you can't be sure exactly how your partner will be introduced to you.
This process actually WORKED.
My husband and I did meet on a blind date through a 'third party' connection - something I never would have agreed to without my trailblazing new attitude toward dating at the time.
Had we not taken unconventional measures to open ourselves up to the possibilities of meeting new people with common objectives, we would not have met.
We were married in September 2000 after a year of dating and an 18-month-long engagement.
We were married in September 2000 after a year of dating and an 18-month-long engagement.
Those 5 characteristics have been vitally important while we built our incredible life together - and continue to do so 25 years later.
Some people may consider this methodical approach of attracting a life partner to be callous or unemotional, but I believe wholeheartedly in this process and I recommend it to those I work with, helping them find their soul-level love.
Is our marriage perfect? Absolutely not.
Is our marriage perfect? Absolutely not.
Are we perfect? Nope. (is any human???)
Did the universe deliver my perfect life partner? I believe it did.
Now, It's Your Turn
I'd love to know: - Are you READY to meet the love of your life?
- Are you up for trying something new in the dating department to get a different result for yourself?
- Are you willing to try THIS process?
If you'd like some guidance along the way with implementing this method, I'd be happy to chat with you about it.
Contact me to schedule your 'Matched For Life - The One' complimentary call and take the first step toward finding your soul-level life partner today.
About the Author:
Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs and Soloists, Supermoms and Sisters making a difference in the world with their unique talents and gifts. Contact her privately: andrea@coachforlife.ca.
No comments:
Post a Comment