The Soulmate Secret: How to Ignite the Passion in Your Partnership

 

Marriage.  It can be a beautiful thing.  It can be a challenging thing.  Got Kids?? Got a Mortgage? Is there a Global Pandemic right now? 

Did you know that it only takes 1 partner to create a magnificent marriage?

What??!! Did you read that correctly?  Yes, you did!

Any time beyond the honeymoon phase and you're into uncharted territory and at some point, you're in for some rough seas.  After all, we're talking about the REST of our LIVING DAYS here.

That is a LONG journey!

And you can expect a nightmarish hurricane at some point along your journey. (20+ years married, 4 teens, 2 cancer sh*t storms behind us - writing with the benefit of some experience)

So, how can you create a strong, unshakeable partnership - one that will withstand the test of TIME and the odd Tsunami - and LOVE your partner each and every day along the way?

As we're into February - the month of Love and Connection - here's a little challenge for you.

Take the Soulmate Secret Mini-Challenge

Try these 7 strategies to strengthen the relationship you share with your Valentine.  

They are simple, not easy, but they ARE powerful and will make a difference in your relationship. Master these and they'll add playfulness and passion to your partnership and bring out the very best in your Beloved.

And pssst - this is for YOU...because it only takes one partner to move the needle in your marriage from bland to breathtaking!

Challenge #1 - Recognition

Babies cry for it and grown-ups die for it (no joke).

Your FIRST challenge is to make a conscious effort to recognize your partner for something they do to contribute to your life in a positive way each day this month. 

It is SO easy to take our partner for granted.  After all, they're just there every single day - with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Take a moment to let them know how much they mean to you.

Be specific about it too.

When they pick up the kids, wipe down the counter, put away the dishes or tidy their own mess, fix dinner, the leaky faucet, or take care of SOMETHING that means YOU don't have to, thank them.

Tell your life partner how much you appreciate them.  Actually, take a moment and speak those words of gratitude.  Even better, show them.

Keep up this daily recognition process even when you're tired.  Even when you're frustrated.  Even when you have to dig deep because you may not be 'feelin' it' today.  (Yes, I get you!)  And do it without any expectation of reciprocity too - just as a gesture of good faith and kindness.

When we elevate our attitude and give genuinely, it's only natural that our partner will begin to reciprocate as well.  Consider this act of daily gratitude an investment in your marriage and make it a habit.

Aim for 3 times a day this month and really light your partner up.

Challenge #2 

Your Words ~ Choose Nice Ones

Our words have incredible power.

It's not just what we say out loud.

What we write or text, even what we say to ourselves, and especially the negative things we say to other people about our partner behind their back.

Those nasty words have lasting, damaging effects.

So, this month, decide to STOP complaining.

Make a conscious effort to speak only positive words out loud about your partner and about your kids (and even about your own self - that little gremlin voice speaking in your ear each day can be nasty too).

Quit ALL complaining to anyone outside your partnership.

If you have an issue with something that's going on in your relationship...be respectful.  Go to your partner, take responsibility for your part in the problem, and find a solution together.  There's no need to complain to your sister, your mother, or even to your best friend.

Put your partner first.  Always.

Master THIS strategy and you'll strengthen your alignment with your Beloved, you'll build trust and you'll see a positive shift across the board in all areas of your life if you practice this with your children and master your own Gremlin Voice too.

Challenge #3 

Be The Change You Want To See

You've probably heard THAT one before!

But here's the thing...can we really expect to be treated any differently than how we treat our partner?

And if we WANT to engage the universal law of reciprocity, guess what?  We have to GIVE first.

Here's the next challenge:  Pick 3 qualities you value most highly as a partner.  

Next, consider what you already do or what you CAN do to emulate those three qualities.

If it's something you're already doing, keep at it. If there's something MORE you can do, try it.

If 'Connectedness' is something you value in your relationship, what can you do to bring more connectedness into it?  Are a babysitter and a date night out together overdue?  A 'disconnected' evening away from devices and screens may be a great way to reconnect with your Love.

If adventure is something you value, suggest something active or something new that you can do together.

If variety is something you cherish, how can you bring more of it into your relationship?

This is the perfect time to be creative and try new things.  And you know what they say about variety...

Challenge #4 

Choose JOY - and wave the white flag

So simple, right?  Nnnnnope!

I struggle with this one myself, even though I've been practicing these strategies for a couple of decades now.

Giving in is tough to do - ESPECIALLY when you're SO SURE you're right!

Your next challenge:   

When the opportunity calls for it, Give In.

Here's how it works:  when it comes to being right, or being happy...choose happiness for the sake of your partnership.  When involved in a disagreement or an argument, think tranquil thoughts, swallow your pride, and preserve the peace by simply waving the white flag.

Chances are, it's not worth the fight in the long run anyway.

And if it feels like it is worth the fight today, try sleeping on it.  Chances are, it won't be as big of a deal in the morning.

Challenge #5 

Scuttle the Score Card

Yes, you represent 50% of your partnership but measuring and scorekeeping WILL poison even the strongest relationship.

Rather than being focused on how much you're giving and weighing it against how much you're NOT getting from your partner, focus on being 100% in your partnership for THEIR happiness.

Your next challenge for the month of LOVE is to Eliminate the Score Keeping.

If we're always focused on how we're getting the short end of the deal, we'll never FEEL satisfied.  

See how there's always a winner and a loser in this arrangement?

Set your relationship up for happiness all around.  

Stop keeping score and instead, choose to do something extra to make your partner happy today, and every day this month.  Keep it up and eventually, you'll see that the investments you're making into your relationship bank will pay off!  You'll strengthen your relationship and increase the satisfaction you feel from your marriage and the joy in YOUR life as well.

Challenge #6 

Celebrate Your Differences

Have you heard that opposites attract?

Chances are, you've married yours!

It may have been cute while you were dating, but a few years into a lifelong partnership and it can be infuriating when our partner doesn't do things the way we would. 

The next step in this challenge is to Recognize Your Partner's Differences and CELEBRATE them, rather than abhorring them.

To do this:

1. Make a list (as in, actually write it down on paper) of your partner's personality strengths, and then,
2. Consider how they balance off your own.

Where one is good at math, the other may be awesome at writing.  All the better for helping the kids with their homework.  

Where one is a strict disciplinarian with the children, the other is more compassionate and understanding - both examples your children need to see. 

Where one is a long-term planner, the other lives more in the moment...see what I'm getting at?

Consider how you both make a wonderful team, and recognize the beauty and value of your differences.  Celebrate those amazing differences and let your partner know how much they mean to you.

Final Challenge: Add in the Elements of Anticipation & Surprise

I'd mentioned above about variety being the spice of life.

Here's your Final Mini Challenge:  Surprise your Beloved! 

What can you do this Valentine's Day that will surprise your partner in a positive way?

Once you've decided what you'll do, plan a little. Put some effort into making this Valentine's Day a special event.

What can you do to make it stand out as extraordinary? 

To make this Valentine's Day tantalizingly sensual, consider all 5 senses.

• How can you make your event LOOK special?
• What would you like your partner to hear?  A favourite song, soft music playing?  Certainly not bickering teens or crying babies, so how can you remedy that?
• Consider your partner's favourite scent.  Something spicy?  Something floral?
• Taste. What would send your partner over the edge?  Pick up something special, something decadent, some champagne for the occasion, maybe?  Be creative. 
• Touch...well, you KNOW where this is heading...variety is, after all, the spice of life.  Maybe try something new and exciting?

Those little details make all the difference and so does the effort you put into it.  It won't go unrecognized.

Now...take it to the NEXT LEVEL & up the anticipation factor a little:  Make It Spicy.  Here's how to do that:

A few days before...start dropping little clues about your scheme. 

• Send some tantalizing texts giving clues to what you're thinking & planning 
• Leave a voice message to tickle your beloved's imagination 
• Leave a little love note somewhere unexpected - a surprise to get them wondering...

Do everything you can think of to build anticipation and let your partner know you're thinking of them.

And of course, I wish you a fantastic Valentine's Day this year AND marital bliss too!

Now, it's your turn. Let me know if you try this at home and the results (PG only please!).  Leave your comments below

  

If you'd like to take it a little further and truly transform your relationship from mundane to a magnificent, rock-solid, 100% All-In for Happiness, OR if you'd like to find YOUR Soul-Level Love and be matched for life, then I'd love to help.

Let's have a chat about it. 

Contact me to schedule your 'Mate To Soulmate' free call. 

By the end of our chat, you'll have a crystal clear vision for the relationship of your dreams and an action plan to create it.

andrea@coachforlife.ca

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for solution & success-minded women.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.