Elevate Your Relationship with Mom to 'Awesome'

Since my own mother passed suddenly on Christmas Eve a few years back, I'll be celebrating Mother’s Day without her in this world.  

I should mention though, that I don’t feel motherless at all.  

My amazing foster mom continues to be a light in my life, two incredible Aunts guide me with their wisdom and knowledge and I’m happy to say that we enjoy a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law, who is still with us at 85 years young.  

Today I’m sharing secrets about connecting with Mom (and everyone important in your life really) on a level that breaks her heart wide open with love…and will do the same for yours too.

This note was inspired by Christine, a community member who asked the following question:  

“How do I shift my relationship with my mother when every time we speak, she has something negative to say?  I end up NOT wanting to speak with her at all.  We’ll go for long periods of time not communicating which ends up hurting other family members, especially our children.”

To tell you the truth, I know exactly where Christine’s coming from. 

My own mother and I had a terribly strained relationship and were estranged completely for more than a decade before her sudden passing.  

Sadly, we never did manage to mend our fences before it was too late. 

Many of us have a ‘less than perfect’ relationship with our moms which is why I’m sharing this blog post with you as we approach the day we honour her for all she's done.

We all have the ‘Perfect Mom’ idea.  

We want our mom to be like the ones we see on TV or the picture-perfect families we see on social media.  

Who doesn’t wish for that tightly knit, stuck-together-like-glue, rock-solid foundational bond with our mom?  

We all want mom to be our best friend. 

The thing is…not everyone has that.  

The second thing is…we can’t change anyone – whether it’s our mother, a friend or even our partner for that matter. 

We can only choose to change ourselves and how we respond to them.  We can change our perspective.

Here’s what I’ve found that’s worked:

A shift in mindset:  Wanting my mother to be different, to be 'perfect' and just like someone else's mom actually prevented me from connecting with her.  

To have had a better connection with her meant that I had to let go of the idea of who I thought she should be and accept her for who she was – my mother, who loved me - in her very own unique way. 

Undoubtedly, all the anger, frustration and hurt feelings I harboured towards my mother only served to poison our relationship and really, myself too.  

We won't be able to move forward unless we can forgive.

Those were not easy realizations and sadly, the wisdom came too late to elevate the relationship I had with my own mother. 

If your relationship with mom is a little strained, or if you'd like to take your connection to a deeper level still, try this freeing exercise to strengthen your bond and to have an unforgettable Mothers’ Day experience this year:   

Step 1: Recognize that you don’t know EVERYTHING about your mom.

We know only a fraction about someone else’s journey through life.  It’s important to recognize that you don’t actually know all the experiences – both little and huge, the events, the challenges overcome, the feelings and intricacies that made your mom who she is today.  

There were many chapters in her book of life before the one that began with your birth.  Why not make it a goal this Mothers’ Day to learn something new about the person who brought you into the world?

Step 2: Be Curious.

Children have curiosity down cold.  Their insatiable appetite for information is astounding.  They want to touch, feel, and see absolutely everything.  And they want it - yesterday. They ask “why?” tirelessly and absorb information like a sponge.  

This Mothers’ Day, I challenge you to access your inner childlike curiosity and then turn on your innate ability to really listen.  

Be present and give Mom the gift of your undivided attention.  

Doesn’t cost a penny, just your time, you can do it over the phone too if distance is a factor and after everything she’s tolerated…she deserves that much from you, right?

Step 3: Ask Questions.

From this curious place, ask your mom about situations or stories that’ll help you understand her more and possibly even release some of your own frustrations in the process.  

Why not take an opportunity this weekend to ask her about those years before you came along?   

Here are some questions to help get you started:

• What was the biggest challenge you've overcome?
• Tell me a bit about the most joyful experiences in your life…
• What was it like when you were little with your parents?
• Tell me something funny about Aunt Mary or Uncle Bob from when you were kids…
• What were some of your greatest achievements in school, in sports?
• What do you absolutely love about yourself?
• What secret talent or hobby do you wish you’d developed more or spent more time doing?  Why not do more of that now?
• If you could snap your fingers and change something in this world, what would it be?
• If time and money weren’t an obstacle, where would you want to go?  What would you want to do?  Who would you want to share those experiences with?
• Tell me about how you met Dad and the love story of your romance…
• Can you remember what you were thinking the first time you held me in your arms?

And when she answers these questions you can dive a little deeper.  Just keep asking “why is that?”

Step 4: Listen with your heart.

When your mom answers the questions, don’t just listen with your ears, listen with all of your heart.  Turn off that cell phone and put away the tablet, turn off the game, the radio, the TV.  Decide to really listen to your mom’s stories.

Of course, there are many sides to the same story.  Your parents may have completely different versions of the same event – because it's based on their own experience of it.

Accept their version and look for ways to see their love, their appreciation and the gravity of their experiences.  After all, your mom has always wanted only what’s best for you. 

I hope you're inspired to have an unforgettable conversation with your mom this Mothers’ Day.  

I hope it's something that you remember for the rest of your life as a special gift, the gift of time, shared together - connected, fulfilled, healed, loved.

Some of us can only speak to our parents in prayer, so if you’re fortunate enough to have yours with you, I encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to elevate your mother/child relationship to ‘Awesome’ on her special day.

With this post, I’m honoring my foster Mom, Irene, my Mother-In-Law and my two wonderful Aunts, Mary and Marie along with a whole bunch of my mom-friends. Without your continuous love and support, I wouldn’t be the person, or the mother I am today.  

Infinitely grateful for all of you.

Wishing you a fantastic Mother's Day, Andrea.

If you’ve found this post helpful in some way I’d be delighted to hear from you.  

Many of us have challenges around our relationships and can benefit from having an unbiased sounding board.  If that’s the case for you, I invite you to contact me:  
andrea@coachforlife.ca - or take advantage of my free gift below, and we can chat about how you can elevate your relationships and create more joy in your life.

Written By:
Andrea Raco, Certified Professional Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, Creator of 'Your Masterpiece Life' ~ a program designed to help you build the life you love, curator of Gold Key Club and Coach For Life Connections, Wife, Mom of 4, Breast Cancer Survivor and lover of LIFE.  




Drop me a note: andrea@coachforlife.ca.
I'd love to hear about your relationship with your mom. 

12 Essential Life Lessons From One Guilty Little Pleasure

Here's my question for you:  

Do you have a secret guilty pleasure?

I have a confession to share and here's a hint...it's not chocolate.  

You see, I'm an incurable romantic.  For me, a beautifully executed Viennese Waltz is the epitome of romance and perfection with its rise and fall, whirling and twirling. 

(Promise there is something here for all the guys reading this too...so don't check out on me just because you see chocolate bonbons and dancing!)

Learning to waltz for our wedding didn’t go quite the way I thought it would.  

There is nothing romantic about learning a new skill and trying to perfect it for an audience when you have a looming deadline hanging over your head.  (Did I really just associate my wedding date with a ‘looming deadline?'). 

To this day, I struggle with the 'Let Him Lead' lesson.

My husband and I should have clued in when our instructors extended their disclaimer on that first day of classes that the fees for divorce lawyers weren’t included in the fees for dancing lessons.  

Want to torture test your newly formed relationship?  

Try some ballroom dancing lessons.  You'll be amazed at what comes up for both of you.  

It was a grueling year with a lot of learning - both inside AND outside of the dancing studio.  Thankfully, our partnership withstood it.  

Those lessons of persisting and teamwork prepared us for the mountains that lay ahead:  Children.  Two rounds of Cancer. (Yikes...I just put those two together too!)

But let's dive in.

There is something that can absolutely transport me away from the busy schedule of juggling the house, the family, the gym and the pressing deadlines of my business.  

Don’t get me wrong…I absolutely LOVE all if it…but a little indulgence sweetens up the experience of LIFE! Luxuries I’m willing to afford myself, now and then.  

And who doesn’t love a guilty little pleasure, anyway? 

So here it is:  

I am unabashedly addicted to Dancing with the Stars.   

There.  I admitted it. 

It’s true that my ballroom dancing experience is very limited.  

It is plenty enough to know that these contestants pull off miracles every week.  

A couple seasons back, one competitor couldn't hear the music!  

That blows my mind.  Ladies, I mean it when I say that watching just Nyle DiMarco's episodes alone is entirely worth the time ;)

Our household has four kids between the ages of twelve and fifteen.  (Yes, I have twins.)  These days, my daughter and three sons cannot agree on much of anything, let alone what to watch on television.  

Thankfully, DWTS has something entertaining for everyone.  Even my husband, who rarely watches TV, can find something of interest:

Gorgeous, perfectly-sculpted feminine athletes clad in micro-mini, sequined costumes gives a whole new meaning to

‘Shiny Object Syndrome.’  

I’m thinking poetry in motion.  He’s thinking sex on hardwood.  

Sigh…I did say Guilty Little Pleasures, right?

Dancing, poetry and pageantry aside, the show also has all the teaching opportunities any life coach, or parent could possibly dream of.  

Here’s just a few:

Don’t be afraid to try something new – we really do only get ONE SHOT at this life!

If you’re going to do something…jump in with both feet - Do It Big!  Strive for Excellence.

Anyone can achieve excellence.  It takes practice, commitment & then, more practice. 

Life isn’t fair (some of us are born deaf and can’t hear the music) but that doesn’t mean ‘don’t dance’- Go ahead, give whatever it is that lights you up your best shot! 

Have a positive, winning attitude.  Our attitude is our choice - even when life isn’t fair. Especially when life isn’t fair.

Mistakes happen. These opportunities for growth and learning refine us, not define us. 

Success is a journey.  It requires consistent, persistent effort.  Never give up on your goals.

Competition is healthy.  Dare to win.  It’s awesome.  Celebrate it when you do!

Celebrate ALL wins - yours and your competitors’ to create an inclusive, positive environment.

Losing or Failing is part of life.  Learn to do it graciously.

Be Coachable – Your best chance for success is to follow someone who’s already successful.

All this and more makes the DWTS hour one of heartwarming inspiration and entertainment for the whole family.  

My sons may start trying to convince me that they are just too cool, but it doesn't take long for the protesting to stop. Two words:  Whitney Carson.  

See...I promised there was something for everyone!

The final, vitally important takeaway, evident with each episode of my guilty little pleasure is a lesson that I hope doesn’t require a near-death experience for you (like it did for me) to finally learn:  

HAVE FUN
    with this life!    

Written By:
Andrea Raco, Certified Professional Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, Creator of 'Your Masterpiece Life' ~ a program designed to help you build the life you love, curator of Gold Key Club and Coach For Life Connections, Wife, Mom of 4, Breast Cancer Survivor and lover of LIFE.  




Would you like to showcase your success story?  

I'd love to help you craft and share your story so more people can hear from you.  

Drop me a note: andrea@coachforlife.ca and we'll get started.

One Simple Trick to Create More Happiness & Success in Your Life

A tough day at the office?  Too many deadlines for not enough pay?  Parenting toddlers or teenagers and just about at the end of your rope?  Too much month for the money and having it out with your partner because of it?

Our family and work situations can cause signficant stress and that can have lasting effects on the success of our relationships or our business. 

I invite you to shift your perspective about whatever challenging circumstances you're facing.

Try this little trick:  Change your attitude.  How you think about the challenges you face and how you respond to them is the key to your happiness.  

What exactly does that mean?  

Our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) refers to our ability to condition ourselves to become a master of our emotions.  

When we become more conscious of our responses, we can be more adaptable, go with the flow and take it all in stride.  Raising our Emotional Intelligence allows us to become unshakable.   

We may not be able to control our circumstances all the time, or anyone else, for that matter.  We can control how we respond to them. 

Watching my parents' marriage fall apart drove those tough lessons home.  At ten, I was helpless to save it, but I could learn from the experience.  What I could do instead was choose to be married for life.  

I was reacquainted with those lessons through my cancer experience too. 

If I wanted to live, the chemotherapy that took my hair and my strength was not an option.  

I could check my attitude about it and give the nurses a well-deserved smile as I faced the poison again.  After all, they tried so hard to make me more comfortable.  I could have a grateful heart.  After all, I was fortunate enough to live in a country where I had a fighting chance.  

I could hold onto hope that I'd make it through and live to see my children have kids of their own - a luxury not afforded to every oncology patient.  

Becoming a Master of your Attitude and elevating your Emotional Intelligence takes practice.  The first step is becoming aware of HOW you respond in tough circumstances.

Here's why we want to raise our EQ:  What we focus on expands or improves.  

When we focus on what's wrong in our lives...guess what happens?  We end up with more that's wrong in our lives. When we focus on all that we have to be grateful for, opportunities open up and miracles happen.     

The next time you're faced with a challenge...and life gets tough, as it tends to do, ask yourself these questions: 

• How are you responding?  
• How do you overcome?  
• Do you brainstorm with your family or with your team to find solutions?  
• Do you craft an action plan to achieve your goal or winning outcome?  
• If you want to increase your knowledge or experience, do you seek information or guidance?
• Do you ask for help?

I've been so fortunate to be mentored by some amazing people.  

What I've learned from them, and from life, is that when the going gets tough, quitting is not an option. 

People of strength and integrity don't say "this is too hard" or "there are too many problems here."  People with an attitude of success do whatever it takes to reach their goal.  

You can choose to have a winning attitude - about anything.

T. Harv Eker shares his Gold Key for Success and happiness:

Written By:
Andrea Raco, Certified Professional Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, Creator of 'Your Masterpiece Life' ~ a program designed to help you build the life you love, curator of Gold Key Club and Coach For Life Connections, Wife, Mom of 4, Breast Cancer Survivor and lover of LIFE.  

Drop me a note: andrea@coachforlife.ca.

Resolution Realization Action Guide

Resolution Realization Action Guide

I sincerely hope you welcomed 2016 with loved ones, laughs and fitting celebrations. 

It's time for the decorations to come down and be put away for another year. The tree is at the curb and you're geared up for 2016. You've made your resolutions, set your goals and intentions, picked your word for the year...

It's full speed ahead now.

Many of you shared your focus word with me and took advantage of the Resolution Realization session too.  I'm so excited for you and for those results.  I appreciate your confidence and looking forward to working with you as we make those goals a reality this year.

Reflecting and dreamimg big for 2016 is the perfect first step.  Without a Plan Of Action and figuring out what you need to do differently this year to make those goals a reality, your big dreams can fall short.

If you're serious about achieving your intentions once you've set them, take a moment to reflect on the past year.

• What were your top five 'wins' or successes?  List them out. 
• What are the things you're grateful for?  List those out too.

Next, contemplate what could have improved.    

• Were there priorities that didn't stay at the top of your list?
• Were there projects that remained unfinished? 
• Did any relationships slip away?  
• What had you hoped to accomplish, but didn't?

Ok... now for the big question...

What are you going to do differently this year to blow the lid off last year?

Follow these simple steps to make 2016 your most successful year yet:

Step 1:  Spend some time thinking about what you want 2016 to look like and maybe even consider these categories:

Finances - Perhaps this is the year you're going to slay that debt-monkey and eliminate your consumer debt.  Maybe it's the year you're going to make a plan to pay off the mortgage, save for your retirement or for that trip you've always wanted to take. 

Business/Career - Is this the year you're going to start a new business or reach a new level of success?  Maybe you'd like to retrain or find a career you absolutely love.

Health - You've had it with yo-yo dieting and you're ready to make a commitment to your health, to lighten up a little and to stop coming home with the ice cream when you went out for the beans.  

Relationships - What can you do to improve them?  Maybe your marriage is already great and that's wonderful, but I'll bet you can think of ways to surprise your partner, to kick up the romance level a notch.  Maybe try something new?  Take a look at how you can make things even better with your partner or your parents, your kids or your best friend.  

Travel & Leisure - Where would you like to go?  What would you like to see?  If time and money weren't an issue...what adventure would plan?

Personal Development - What do you think you need to do to grow and improve on a personal level?  Maybe you'd like to take a course or learn a new language?  Develop a talent or take up a new hobby.  

Whatever has been niggling at the back of your mind or growing inside your heart...write it down.

If you're a visual type, try creating a vision board for your goals.  Take images from magazines that represent the things you want and post them on a board or create a virtual vision board using Pinterest.  However you choose...what's important is to get those goals in front of you somehow, someway.  

Step 2:  Focus On Finances

The more people I work with, the more amazed I am to learn how many don't set financial goals.  If you're running a household, this is a great time to re-evaluate how your household finances are managed.  Do you have a plan for eliminating debt and increasing savings?  Have you built up an emergency fund?  Are you giving away too much of your financial power?  Do you put money aside for travel?

If you're running a business, set some revenue goals - for the month, for each quarter, for the year.  The more specific you are, the better position you'll be in to make a plan to get there.   

Here's a tip from Christian Mickelsen:
"When choosing a revenue goal, pick a number that you can see happening, but one that's a stretch for you - realistic and attainable.  If you're currently making $100,000 in your business and want to break into seven figures this year, maybe set a target of $200,00 (double)...you can still set an intention to be a millionaire, but aiming for the next target amount makes it more within your control, and not just wishful thinking."   

Step 3:  Determine the Skills You'll Need to Achieve Your Desired Result

What skills do you already have to get you from where you are to where you want to be? What skills do you need to acquire and develop?  What do you need to learn in order to grow and achieve your goals or resolutions?

If you're growing your business, maybe you need to learn how to write magnetic copy, perfect your marketing message or improve your networking skills. You might need to hire an expert for an area of your business that needs expertise and you're just not there yet.If you're like me and have decided to commit to improved health and fitness this year, I know I need to stop bringing home the ice cream when I go out for the beans, restructure my schedule to be sure to get that workout in and learn some new healthy recips to share with my family.

If it's the dreaded Debt-Monkey you want to slay, maybe you need to learn a few new money tricks....and...deep breath...make friends with the word 'Budget'...there, I said it! Nobody likes that word, but a budget can be a lifesaver.  In fact, it saved me years ago.

Write down all the skills you'll need to develop to achieve your goals or resolutions.

Step 4:  Get Support

Even top level athletes have coaches to help keep them on track to reach their goals. Some of them even work with multiple coaches.  The more support you have, the better your chances of achieving your winning results. Putting that support in place, or seeking out the training you need right now, is a vital component of crushing those resolutions and achieving those goals.

• Have a quick review of the skills you wrote that you needed to acquire or develop. 
• Take a moment to think about the kind of support you need this year to help you achieve your goals.  
• "Figuring it out on your own" may very well lead to just letting those goals go when the going gets tough.  

And it's going to get tough.  Change is always an uphill battle.  Expect that you're going to have to persevere.
Step 5:  Create a "Mini-Plan"

All too often we get caught up in the 'how' to make our goals happen and this can hold us back.  How to achieve them is important, but it's crucial to understand WHY you want to achieve those goals.  Beside each goal on your list, take a line or two to write down why you want to achieve it.

Sometimes, simply focusing on the 'why' can open up new possibilities for 'how' to make them happen.  

Here's an example:  Maybe you'd like to lose weight to enjoy a more active lifestyle and have the energy to chase after your kids.  A goal to lose 100 pounds is a monumental goal.  Instead of looking at the whole kit and caboodle, break that massive goal down into smaller, more manageable ones.  Focusing on the first 10 pounds won't seem so overwhelming.  To get from a 10 pound loss to a 100 pound loss, all you have to do is repeat the process of losing 10 pounds, ten times.  

The same can be said for revenue goals.  If you want to save $12,000 in a year for a trip, break it down into monthly and weekly goals.

Another important question is...what do you need to learn or what skills do you need to develop to accomplish your goals this year?  

Here's tip for creating positive habits to achieve winning results: Break each goal down into measures of time - six months, three months, one month, each week, all the way down to each day.  Do the same thing over and over each day for 21 days and you'll create a new habit.  Change is tough, but it's absolutely possible.  Decide you just won't give up.

With specific goals, this Resolution Realization Action Plan in your hand and all the support you need (psstttt - I coach all this stuff), 

I have no doubt that 2016 will be your most successful year yet.  

Written By:
Andrea Raco, Certified Professional Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, Creator of 'Your Masterpiece Life' ~ a program designed to help you build the life you love, curator of Gold Key Club and Coach For Life Connections, Wife, Mom of 4, Breast Cancer Survivor and lover of LIFE.  

Would you like to have a spotlight shone on your success story?  

I'd love to help you craft and share your story so more people can hear from you.  

Drop me a note: andrea@coachforlife.ca and we'll get started.