Elevate Your Relationship with Mom to 'Awesome'

Since my own mother passed suddenly on Christmas Eve a few years back, I'll be celebrating Mother’s Day without her in this world.  

I should mention though, that I don’t feel motherless at all.  

My amazing foster mom continues to be a light in my life, two incredible Aunts guide me with their wisdom and knowledge and I’m happy to say that we enjoy a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law, who is still with us at 85 years young.  

Today I’m sharing secrets about connecting with Mom (and everyone important in your life really) on a level that breaks her heart wide open with love…and will do the same for yours too.

This note was inspired by Christine, a community member who asked the following question:  

“How do I shift my relationship with my mother when every time we speak, she has something negative to say?  I end up NOT wanting to speak with her at all.  We’ll go for long periods of time not communicating which ends up hurting other family members, especially our children.”

To tell you the truth, I know exactly where Christine’s coming from. 

My own mother and I had a terribly strained relationship and were estranged completely for more than a decade before her sudden passing.  

Sadly, we never did manage to mend our fences before it was too late. 

Many of us have a ‘less than perfect’ relationship with our moms which is why I’m sharing this blog post with you as we approach the day we honour her for all she's done.

We all have the ‘Perfect Mom’ idea.  

We want our mom to be like the ones we see on TV or the picture-perfect families we see on social media.  

Who doesn’t wish for that tightly knit, stuck-together-like-glue, rock-solid foundational bond with our mom?  

We all want mom to be our best friend. 

The thing is…not everyone has that.  

The second thing is…we can’t change anyone – whether it’s our mother, a friend or even our partner for that matter. 

We can only choose to change ourselves and how we respond to them.  We can change our perspective.

Here’s what I’ve found that’s worked:

A shift in mindset:  Wanting my mother to be different, to be 'perfect' and just like someone else's mom actually prevented me from connecting with her.  

To have had a better connection with her meant that I had to let go of the idea of who I thought she should be and accept her for who she was – my mother, who loved me - in her very own unique way. 

Undoubtedly, all the anger, frustration and hurt feelings I harboured towards my mother only served to poison our relationship and really, myself too.  

We won't be able to move forward unless we can forgive.

Those were not easy realizations and sadly, the wisdom came too late to elevate the relationship I had with my own mother. 

If your relationship with mom is a little strained, or if you'd like to take your connection to a deeper level still, try this freeing exercise to strengthen your bond and to have an unforgettable Mothers’ Day experience this year:   

Step 1: Recognize that you don’t know EVERYTHING about your mom.

We know only a fraction about someone else’s journey through life.  It’s important to recognize that you don’t actually know all the experiences – both little and huge, the events, the challenges overcome, the feelings and intricacies that made your mom who she is today.  

There were many chapters in her book of life before the one that began with your birth.  Why not make it a goal this Mothers’ Day to learn something new about the person who brought you into the world?

Step 2: Be Curious.

Children have curiosity down cold.  Their insatiable appetite for information is astounding.  They want to touch, feel, and see absolutely everything.  And they want it - yesterday. They ask “why?” tirelessly and absorb information like a sponge.  

This Mothers’ Day, I challenge you to access your inner childlike curiosity and then turn on your innate ability to really listen.  

Be present and give Mom the gift of your undivided attention.  

Doesn’t cost a penny, just your time, you can do it over the phone too if distance is a factor and after everything she’s tolerated…she deserves that much from you, right?

Step 3: Ask Questions.

From this curious place, ask your mom about situations or stories that’ll help you understand her more and possibly even release some of your own frustrations in the process.  

Why not take an opportunity this weekend to ask her about those years before you came along?   

Here are some questions to help get you started:

• What was the biggest challenge you've overcome?
• Tell me a bit about the most joyful experiences in your life…
• What was it like when you were little with your parents?
• Tell me something funny about Aunt Mary or Uncle Bob from when you were kids…
• What were some of your greatest achievements in school, in sports?
• What do you absolutely love about yourself?
• What secret talent or hobby do you wish you’d developed more or spent more time doing?  Why not do more of that now?
• If you could snap your fingers and change something in this world, what would it be?
• If time and money weren’t an obstacle, where would you want to go?  What would you want to do?  Who would you want to share those experiences with?
• Tell me about how you met Dad and the love story of your romance…
• Can you remember what you were thinking the first time you held me in your arms?

And when she answers these questions you can dive a little deeper.  Just keep asking “why is that?”

Step 4: Listen with your heart.

When your mom answers the questions, don’t just listen with your ears, listen with all of your heart.  Turn off that cell phone and put away the tablet, turn off the game, the radio, the TV.  Decide to really listen to your mom’s stories.

Of course, there are many sides to the same story.  Your parents may have completely different versions of the same event – because it's based on their own experience of it.

Accept their version and look for ways to see their love, their appreciation and the gravity of their experiences.  After all, your mom has always wanted only what’s best for you. 

I hope you're inspired to have an unforgettable conversation with your mom this Mothers’ Day.  

I hope it's something that you remember for the rest of your life as a special gift, the gift of time, shared together - connected, fulfilled, healed, loved.

Some of us can only speak to our parents in prayer, so if you’re fortunate enough to have yours with you, I encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to elevate your mother/child relationship to ‘Awesome’ on her special day.

With this post, I’m honoring my foster Mom, Irene, my Mother-In-Law and my two wonderful Aunts, Mary and Marie along with a whole bunch of my mom-friends. Without your continuous love and support, I wouldn’t be the person, or the mother I am today.  

Infinitely grateful for all of you.

Wishing you a fantastic Mother's Day, Andrea.

If you’ve found this post helpful in some way I’d be delighted to hear from you.  

Many of us have challenges around our relationships and can benefit from having an unbiased sounding board.  If that’s the case for you, I invite you to contact me:  
andrea@coachforlife.ca - or take advantage of my free gift below, and we can chat about how you can elevate your relationships and create more joy in your life.

Written By:
Andrea Raco, Certified Professional Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, Creator of 'Your Masterpiece Life' ~ a program designed to help you build the life you love, curator of Gold Key Club and Coach For Life Connections, Wife, Mom of 4, Breast Cancer Survivor and lover of LIFE.  




Drop me a note: andrea@coachforlife.ca.
I'd love to hear about your relationship with your mom.