The Soulmate Secret: How to Ignite the Passion in Your Partnership

 

Marriage.  It can be a beautiful thing.  It can be a challenging thing.  Got Kids?? Got a Mortgage? Is there a Global Pandemic right now? 

Did you know that it only takes 1 partner to create a magnificent marriage?

What??!! Did you read that correctly?  Yes, you did!

Any time beyond the honeymoon phase and you're into uncharted territory and at some point, you're in for some rough seas.  After all, we're talking about the REST of our LIVING DAYS here.

That is a LONG journey!

And you can expect a nightmarish hurricane at some point along your journey. (20+ years married, 4 teens, 2 cancer sh*t storms behind us - writing with the benefit of some experience)

So, how can you create a strong, unshakeable partnership - one that will withstand the test of TIME and the odd Tsunami - and LOVE your partner each and every day along the way?

As we're into February - the month of Love and Connection - here's a little challenge for you.

Take the Soulmate Secret Mini-Challenge

Try these 7 strategies to strengthen the relationship you share with your Valentine.  

They are simple, not easy, but they ARE powerful and will make a difference in your relationship. Master these and they'll add playfulness and passion to your partnership and bring out the very best in your Beloved.

And pssst - this is for YOU...because it only takes one partner to move the needle in your marriage from bland to breathtaking!

Challenge #1 - Recognition

Babies cry for it and grown-ups die for it (no joke).

Your FIRST challenge is to make a conscious effort to recognize your partner for something they do to contribute to your life in a positive way each day this month. 

It is SO easy to take our partner for granted.  After all, they're just there every single day - with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Take a moment to let them know how much they mean to you.

Be specific about it too.

When they pick up the kids, wipe down the counter, put away the dishes or tidy their own mess, fix dinner, the leaky faucet, or take care of SOMETHING that means YOU don't have to, thank them.

Tell your life partner how much you appreciate them.  Actually, take a moment and speak those words of gratitude.  Even better, show them.

Keep up this daily recognition process even when you're tired.  Even when you're frustrated.  Even when you have to dig deep because you may not be 'feelin' it' today.  (Yes, I get you!)  And do it without any expectation of reciprocity too - just as a gesture of good faith and kindness.

When we elevate our attitude and give genuinely, it's only natural that our partner will begin to reciprocate as well.  Consider this act of daily gratitude an investment in your marriage and make it a habit.

Aim for 3 times a day this month and really light your partner up.

Challenge #2 

Your Words ~ Choose Nice Ones

Our words have incredible power.

It's not just what we say out loud.

What we write or text, even what we say to ourselves, and especially the negative things we say to other people about our partner behind their back.

Those nasty words have lasting, damaging effects.

So, this month, decide to STOP complaining.

Make a conscious effort to speak only positive words out loud about your partner and about your kids (and even about your own self - that little gremlin voice speaking in your ear each day can be nasty too).

Quit ALL complaining to anyone outside your partnership.

If you have an issue with something that's going on in your relationship...be respectful.  Go to your partner, take responsibility for your part in the problem, and find a solution together.  There's no need to complain to your sister, your mother, or even to your best friend.

Put your partner first.  Always.

Master THIS strategy and you'll strengthen your alignment with your Beloved, you'll build trust and you'll see a positive shift across the board in all areas of your life if you practice this with your children and master your own Gremlin Voice too.

Challenge #3 

Be The Change You Want To See

You've probably heard THAT one before!

But here's the thing...can we really expect to be treated any differently than how we treat our partner?

And if we WANT to engage the universal law of reciprocity, guess what?  We have to GIVE first.

Here's the next challenge:  Pick 3 qualities you value most highly as a partner.  

Next, consider what you already do or what you CAN do to emulate those three qualities.

If it's something you're already doing, keep at it. If there's something MORE you can do, try it.

If 'Connectedness' is something you value in your relationship, what can you do to bring more connectedness into it?  Are a babysitter and a date night out together overdue?  A 'disconnected' evening away from devices and screens may be a great way to reconnect with your Love.

If adventure is something you value, suggest something active or something new that you can do together.

If variety is something you cherish, how can you bring more of it into your relationship?

This is the perfect time to be creative and try new things.  And you know what they say about variety...

Challenge #4 

Choose JOY - and wave the white flag

So simple, right?  Nnnnnope!

I struggle with this one myself, even though I've been practicing these strategies for a couple of decades now.

Giving in is tough to do - ESPECIALLY when you're SO SURE you're right!

Your next challenge:   

When the opportunity calls for it, Give In.

Here's how it works:  when it comes to being right, or being happy...choose happiness for the sake of your partnership.  When involved in a disagreement or an argument, think tranquil thoughts, swallow your pride, and preserve the peace by simply waving the white flag.

Chances are, it's not worth the fight in the long run anyway.

And if it feels like it is worth the fight today, try sleeping on it.  Chances are, it won't be as big of a deal in the morning.

Challenge #5 

Scuttle the Score Card

Yes, you represent 50% of your partnership but measuring and scorekeeping WILL poison even the strongest relationship.

Rather than being focused on how much you're giving and weighing it against how much you're NOT getting from your partner, focus on being 100% in your partnership for THEIR happiness.

Your next challenge for the month of LOVE is to Eliminate the Score Keeping.

If we're always focused on how we're getting the short end of the deal, we'll never FEEL satisfied.  

See how there's always a winner and a loser in this arrangement?

Set your relationship up for happiness all around.  

Stop keeping score and instead, choose to do something extra to make your partner happy today, and every day this month.  Keep it up and eventually, you'll see that the investments you're making into your relationship bank will pay off!  You'll strengthen your relationship and increase the satisfaction you feel from your marriage and the joy in YOUR life as well.

Challenge #6 

Celebrate Your Differences

Have you heard that opposites attract?

Chances are, you've married yours!

It may have been cute while you were dating, but a few years into a lifelong partnership and it can be infuriating when our partner doesn't do things the way we would. 

The next step in this challenge is to Recognize Your Partner's Differences and CELEBRATE them, rather than abhorring them.

To do this:

1. Make a list (as in, actually write it down on paper) of your partner's personality strengths, and then,
2. Consider how they balance off your own.

Where one is good at math, the other may be awesome at writing.  All the better for helping the kids with their homework.  

Where one is a strict disciplinarian with the children, the other is more compassionate and understanding - both examples your children need to see. 

Where one is a long-term planner, the other lives more in the moment...see what I'm getting at?

Consider how you both make a wonderful team, and recognize the beauty and value of your differences.  Celebrate those amazing differences and let your partner know how much they mean to you.

Final Challenge: Add in the Elements of Anticipation & Surprise

I'd mentioned above about variety being the spice of life.

Here's your Final Mini Challenge:  Surprise your Beloved! 

What can you do this Valentine's Day that will surprise your partner in a positive way?

Once you've decided what you'll do, plan a little. Put some effort into making this Valentine's Day a special event.

What can you do to make it stand out as extraordinary? 

To make this Valentine's Day tantalizingly sensual, consider all 5 senses.

• How can you make your event LOOK special?
• What would you like your partner to hear?  A favourite song, soft music playing?  Certainly not bickering teens or crying babies, so how can you remedy that?
• Consider your partner's favourite scent.  Something spicy?  Something floral?
• Taste. What would send your partner over the edge?  Pick up something special, something decadent, some champagne for the occasion, maybe?  Be creative. 
• Touch...well, you KNOW where this is heading...variety is, after all, the spice of life.  Maybe try something new and exciting?

Those little details make all the difference and so does the effort you put into it.  It won't go unrecognized.

Now...take it to the NEXT LEVEL & up the anticipation factor a little:  Make It Spicy.  Here's how to do that:

A few days before...start dropping little clues about your scheme. 

• Send some tantalizing texts giving clues to what you're thinking & planning 
• Leave a voice message to tickle your beloved's imagination 
• Leave a little love note somewhere unexpected - a surprise to get them wondering...

Do everything you can think of to build anticipation and let your partner know you're thinking of them.

And of course, I wish you a fantastic Valentine's Day this year AND marital bliss too!

Now, it's your turn. Let me know if you try this at home and the results (PG only please!).  Leave your comments below

  

If you'd like to take it a little further and truly transform your relationship from mundane to a magnificent, rock-solid, 100% All-In for Happiness, OR if you'd like to find YOUR Soul-Level Love and be matched for life, then I'd love to help.

Let's have a chat about it. 

Contact me to schedule your 'Mate To Soulmate' free call. 

By the end of our chat, you'll have a crystal clear vision for the relationship of your dreams and an action plan to create it.

andrea@coachforlife.ca

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for solution & success-minded women.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.

The Soulmate Secret: How to Meet Your Dream Partner & Marry Smart in Today's Digital World

Are You Matched for Life?  

Most of us end up in a relationship by default.  

Think about it for a second...how did your past relationships begin?  A blind date? A happen chance meeting?  Someone from work or in your class?

If your place has always been at the 'Singles' Table' and you'd like to take your turn down the aisle of love, read on for a simple, stepping-stone plan to help. 

Perhaps you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, swiping left and if you've been on the dating roller coaster for a while, you've had it with kissing the frogs.  

You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, right?  

That's called insanity!

With 3 long-term relationships in my past, I qualified as a serial monogamous dater.  The first (a happen-chance meeting) lasted nearly 4 years, all through high school.  The next (someone from school), another 5-year investment right through university and beyond.  A 3rd failed relationship (a blind date) lasted nearly three more.

By the end of that final one, I was 26, (yes, if you did the math on that, I began that first long-term relationship at the tender age of 14) and I was determined to make the next relationship, THE relationship.  

Ultimately, I wanted the Fairy Tale

I wanted to meet Prince Charming, fall madly in love, be married, buy a beautiful house, start a family, and live happily ever after in blissful, wedded harmony.  I that order.  Yeah, Yeah...a tall order.  I KNOW!  And I can just imagine your eyeballs rolling right now too. 

Who doesn't want that kind of happiness with their LIFE partner?  

I was finally ready to be Matched for Life and here's exactly how I pulled it off:

Stepping Stones to Finding Your Perfect Match

1st - STEP OFF the Dating Roller Coaster and Make a List

Make 3 actually.

It's not necessary to take yourself off the market forever, just time enough to take stock and figure out what you really want.

It’s time to DESIGN your relationship, rather than just falling into one. 

Why a list?

After so many serious heartbreaks I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and my responsibility for past relationship failures.  

I questioned my own judgment, didn't trust myself to make wise choices, and could easily have been sucked into a vortex of depression over it.

Recognizing all I brought to the relationship table helped me combat those nasty feelings and shift into the mindset that I DID deserve a mind-blowing, lasting, blissful marriage to a wonderful and dedicated partner, one who shared my values and wanted the same things out of life that I did.

But first...I needed to see it.  So I can't stress to you the value of this step:

Your First List - All of Your Positives

Make a list of all that you bring to the relationship of your dreams.  This is not the time to hold back.  List ALL of your positive qualities, attributes, talents, strengths and personality traits.

In fact, I challenge you to fill an entire page.  Aim for at least 100 reasons why you deserve your DREAM partner and everything you have to offer that person.

Your Second List - Determine What You Really Want   

Since I'd always just 'fallen' into a relationship, I'd never put much thought into 'picking' my partner specifically. 

It was time to get super specific about what I wanted from the next relationship.  

1. What is the relationship that makes YOUR heart sing?  
2. Describe the relationship you TRULY yearn for:  What does that relationship look like, feel like, actually mean for you? 
3. What kind of relationship will fuel your soul and empower you to live your best life and be your most authentic self?  
4. Who will you be in that relationship?  How will you be in that relationship?

Describe it all in detail.  The more detail, the better.

Your Third List - ALL of the Qualities of Your Life Partner

Let's meet your dream partner in your mind FIRST.  Let's try to get as specific as we can with this.

• What is most important to you when it comes to designing your life partner?  
• What does that person look like?
• What does that person like to do?
• What are their values?  What's important to him or her?
• What is he or she interested in?
• What do you imagine doing together?
• Hopes, dreams, what's the future you'd like to see yourself creating together?

Put everything on your wish list.  Let it all flow - from your heart and from your soul too - this is your opportunity to become connected with your perfect match. 

Next step:  Organizing that big, long list may be a bit of a project, but once you have it all written out,  the next step is to narrow it down to the five most important attributes or qualities you'd like your next partner to possess. 

It may mean you have to restructure and reorganize, it may mean that you have to combine a few together because they stem from the same value, but spend some time with this. It's a very important step. 

Step 2 - Write out the Top 5 Qualities of Your Life Partner

I'm not joking - actually write them out - on paper, in your notebook or journal, and have them on a digital record somewhere so the list is easily accessible.  

But don't stop there.  This is important.  Memorize those top five qualities.  This little list of 5 is your list of dealbreakers.

These were mine:  

1. Shared Values of Honesty, Integrity, and Loyalty
2. Committed to Family
3. Financially stable and passionate about his career/business
4. Ready for marriage
5. Brings out the best in me and tolerates the worst - inspires me to become the very best person I can be.

Now - Visualize yourself with that person.  

Where will you go?  What will you do? What kind of life will you build together?

Actually begin to picture yourself in your mind's eye creating a life together. There is incredible power in visualization.  

Step 3 - Enlist the Universal Law of Attraction

I was willing to try something new to get a different result, so you may be willing too.

Fulfilling the TALL order I had, meant enlisting the natural powers of the universe.

This may sound a little 'WooWoo' and you're welcome to skip this step if you'd like but here's what I did:  I wrote a heartfelt note addressed 'To The Universe' and in it, I requested that my perfect lifemate be introduced to me in some way because I was ready.  I was deserving. 

I also wholeheartedly believed that there was an abundance of possible matches out there designed for me and that they were ready and searching for their life partner as well and were just as ready to create an amazing life together - with me.   

I took my big long list with the top 5 prioritized items that I'd committed to memory along with that letter outside. And burnt it. (If you're going to do this too, please be safe!!) 

I let the smoke of that 'wish list' dissipate to the heavens with my hopes and dreams and I was expectant - I would be open to let the universe deliver.

I trust that it will for you too.

The next step is an important one and for it to work, it required a mindset shift on my part and here it is:  My TIME is valuable!

To honour and respect this new guideline, I had to set some new standards for myself and I recommend this to you as well.  It's time to become more discerning with how you spend your time. Here's how:

Step 4 - Make a Commitment to Yourself

The commitment part of this process was also entirely new to me.

Rather than just bumping along in a relationship and seeing where things ended up, I vowed that I wouldn't become emotionally involved with anyone unless I was absolutely positive they possessed each of those 5 requisite qualities.

I was also committing to my DREAM partner - the one who existed in my mind, the one who'd lead to the realization of my relationship goals.  

It may not be the same for you, but for me, 'No Emotional Involvement' meant no physical involvement.  If you're familiar with the Baseball analogy, that specifically meant 3 bases loaded but for the time being, until those 5 dealbreakers could be 'proven', the game ends before the runs come in.

A little old-fashioned 'dating' was in order and I was determined to make wiser choices about my next relationship.  

And I recommend the same for you.  While it may not mean taking the home runs off the table, take the time to determine that the NEXT person you become involved with possesses all of your Top 5 qualities BEFORE becoming emotionally invested - whatever that means for you.  

Decide that if they don't have those qualities, they just don't get your time, energy, effort and most importantly, your love and affection.

What Next? Be OPEN to Possibility

Trusting that the universe would actually deliver my requested ideal lifemate was a completely foreign concept for me.  

I willed myself to BELIEVE that my future partner existed and that all I had to do was remain open to possibilities so that the opportunity for us to meet would come about. 

Most people go through their life and if romance happens to spark up along the way, they just fall into that relationship.  It all happens on autopilot.

This polar shift in dating strategy meant being open to some unconditional dating methods.

I recommend the same for you:  

• If a friend calls to see if you're willing to meet a friend of theirs who's a little melancholy after being dumped by their previous paramour, accommodate.
• When another friend calls with news that they're starting up a new dating service and need single adults to get started, swallow your skepticism and oblige because you can't be sure exactly how your partner will be introduced to you. 

Be open to new opportunities and BELIEVE that your soul-level love match will come into your life and remain open to the opportunity.  Trust that the universe will deliver your request.

This process actually WORKED.

My husband and I did meet on a blind date through a 'third party' connection - something I never would have agreed to without my trailblazing new attitude toward dating at the time. 

Had we not taken unconventional measures to open ourselves up to the possibilities of meeting new people with common objectives, we would not have met. 

We were married in September 2000 after a year of dating and an 18-month-long engagement.  

Those 5 characteristics have been vitally important while we built our incredible life together - and continue to do so 25 years later. 

Some people may consider this methodical approach of attracting a life partner to be callous or unemotional, but I believe wholeheartedly in this process and I recommend it to those I work with, helping them find their soul-level love.

Is our marriage perfect? Absolutely not.  

Are we perfect?  Nope. (is any human???)

Did the universe deliver my perfect life partner?  I believe it did.  

Now, It's Your Turn

I'd love to know:   

1. Are you READY to meet the love of your life? 
2. Are you up for trying something new in the dating department to get a different result for yourself?
3. Are you willing to try THIS process? 

If you'd like some guidance along the way with implementing this method, I'd be happy to chat with you about it.

Contact me to schedule your 'Matched For Life - The One' complimentary call and take the first step toward finding your soul-level life partner today. 

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs and Soloists, Supermoms and Sisters making a difference in the world with their unique talents and gifts.  Contact her privately: andrea@coachforlife.ca.

For more information about her programs and services, visit www.coachforlife.ca.