How to Elevate Your Relationship with Mom to 'Awesome'

 

Since my own Mom passed suddenly on Christmas Eve a few years back, I'll be celebrating Mother's Day without her in this world.

I should mention though, that I don't feel motherless at all.

My fantastic foster Mother continues to be a light in my life and two amazing Aunts guide me with their wisdom and influence my life with their generosity and compassion. 

I feel deeply blessed. 

Today, I'm sharing secrets about connecting with your Mom (and anyone important in your life, really) on a level that will break her heart wide open with love...and do the same for yours too.  

Here is the inspiration for this post I gathered from Christine, a community member who asked the following:

"How do I shift my relationship with my mother when every time we speak, she has something negative to say?  I end up NOT wanting to speak with her at all.  We'll go for long periods of time not communicating, which ends up hurting other family members, especially our children."

To be completely honest, I know exactly where Christine's coming from. My own mother and I had a terribly strained relationship from the time I was 10 and were estranged completely for more than a decade before her sudden passing. 

Sadly, we never did manage to mend our fences before it was too late. 

We all have the 'Perfect Mom' idea.  

We want our moms to be like the ones we've seen on TV or the picture-perfect families we see on social media.  

Who doesn't wish for that tightly knit, stuck-together-like glue, always-has-your-back, rock-solid foundational relationship with Mom?

As adults, we want our Mom to be our best friend.

The thing is though, not everyone has that. 

Many of us have a 'less than perfect' relationship with a parent or a sibling - our family ties can sometimes bind us up in a negative way.

The second thing is...we can't change anyone - whether it's our mother, a friend, or even our beloved life partner for that matter.

We can only choose to change ourselves and how we respond.  We can change our perspective.

So, IF your particular relationship with your Mom is less than perfect and you'd like to take your connection to a deeper, more loving level THIS Mother's Day, here's what I've found that's worked:

Shift Your Mindset

Wanting my mother to be different, to be 'perfect' and like someone else's mom, or a TV Mom, actually prevented me from connecting with her. 

To have a better connection with my Mother meant releasing the idea of who I thought she should be and accepting her for who she was: my Mother, who loved me, in her own unique way. 

Undoubtedly, all the anger, resentment, and frustration that I harboured served only to poison my heart, as well as our relationship. 

We aren't able to move forward unless we can forgive. 

You Don't Know Everything

We actually know only a fraction about someone else's journey through life, and it's no different when it's your mom. 

There were many chapters in your Mother's book of life before the one that began with your birth. Her world was full of experiences, huge and tiny events that led to feelings, intricacies, and challenges she overcame that made her the person she is today.    

Why not make it a goal this Mother's Day to learn something new about the person who brought you into this world? 

Be Curious

Children have curiosity down cold. 

Their insatiable appetite for information is astounding.  

They want to touch, feel and see absolutely everything. 

And they want it yesterday. 

They're inquisitive and ask 'Why' tirelessly. 

AND they absorb information like a sponge. 

This Mother's Day, I challenge you to access your inner childlike curiosity and then turn on your innate ability to really listen. 

Be present and give your Mom the gift of your undivided attention. 

It doesn't cost a penny, just your time.  You can do it over the phone or video chat too if the distance is a factor.  

Besides...after everything she's been through to bring you into the world and raise you up (a tonne of tolerance and patience, I'm sure) she deserves that much from you, right? 

Ask Questions

From this place of curiosity, ask your mom about situations or stories she could share that'll help you understand her more, and possibly help you release some of your own frustrations in the process.   

Why not take the opportunity this Mother's Day weekend to ask her about those years before you came into her life? 

Here are some questions to help get you started: 

• What was the biggest challenge you've overcome?
• What was one of your most joyful experiences?
• What was it like when you were growing up with your parents?
• Tell me something funny about Aunt ___ or Uncle ___ from when you were kids.
• What did you love most about school?
• What do you absolutely love about yourself?
• What secret talent or hidden hobby do you wish you'd spent more time doing? Why not do more of that now?
• If you could snap your fingers and change something about the world as it is now, what would it be?
• If time, money, or health weren't an obstacle, where would you want to go? What would you want to do?
• Tell me a little about your love story with Dad.  How'd you meet?
• Can you remember what you thought the first time you held me in your arms?

And when she answers these questions, you can dive a little deeper...channel that inner curious child and just keep asking 'Why's that?'

Listen WITH Your Heart

When you're together and your Mom is answering your questions, don't just listen with your ears. 

• Turn off the cell phone
• Put away the tablet 
• Turn off the game, the radio, the TV

Decide to really listen to your Mom's stories with your heart. 

Of course, there are many sides to the same story.  Your parents may have a completely different version of the same event since it's based on their unique experience of it. 

Accept their version and look for ways to appreciate the gravity of their experiences. 

After all, your mom has always only wanted the very best for you. 

I hope you're inspired to have an unforgettable conversation with your own Mom this Mother's Day and encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to elevate your mother-child relationship to AWESOME on her special day. 

I hope it's something you remember for the rest of your life as a special gift - the gift of time, shared together - connected, fulfilled, healed, and loved.  

And if your Mom, or parents for that matter, have moved on from this world as mine have, you can still connect with their soul through the power of the written word or through meditation or prayer.  

I have no doubt your message will be lovingly received.  

Honourable Mention

To the significant Moms in my life:  

My foster Mother, Irene, who along with her family, literally saved me from an abusive life of misery - THANK YOU to the Wilkinsons.  

My mother-in-law, Annita, to whom I'm so grateful for welcoming me into her very large, traditional Italian family and treating me like one of her own daughters.  It was heartbreaking to lose her to an unfortunate accident in her 89th year of life not long ago. 

2 wonderful Aunts, Mary and Marie, who've made a significant difference in my life and continue to inspire me with their sage wisdom, infinite patience, and boundless compassion and generosity.  

The treasured Mom friends who encourage and support me on this journey through motherhood.  

Without your ongoing love and guidance, I wouldn't be the person or the Mother, I am today. Thank you for being a brilliant light in my life. Infinitely grateful.

A Gift For Mother's Day

If you'd like to uplevel your relationship with Mom to 'Awesome' and are unsure where to start, I'd love to chat.  

Contact me via e-mail at andrea@coachforlife.ca to schedule a complimentary 'Create Your Masterpiece Life' Breakthrough Session. 

By the end of our call, you'll have gained Clarity, a simple Action Plan, and even some helpful resources - all free.

About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms, and Sisters making a difference in the world with their unique gifts.

For more information about her services and programs, visit www.coachforlife.ca or contact her via e-mail: andrea@coachforlife.ca

Book Review: Financial Dignity After Divorce by Financial Lifeguard & Money Coach, Christine Luken

 

Separating or divorcing AND finances a concern?  

Recovering from a break-up AFTER your ex took you to the cleaners? 

Want to create a more peaceful, more positive and empowered relationship with your money - heartbreak or not?

If you said 'Yes' to any of these scenarios, OR if it's high time to take control of your finances and create a prosperity plan for your future - then THIS is the one book you'll need to achieve it.

I was fortunate to receive an advance copy of Certified Financial Coach, Christine Luken's third published work for review and I have to say she's knocked it out of the park once again. 

Money is the third person in any partnership, but if you've left your ex in the dust, you'll still need to reconcile your relationship with money.  Your relationship with your finances will be with you no matter what.  

Fixing your finances, though, can be a confusing, daunting and seriously overwhelming mountain to climb - especially where you're recovering from heartbreak.

THIS book is the solution to your problem. 

FULL of practical strategies, easy-to-implement solutions and helpful information, Financial Dignity After Divorce is a step-by-step survival guide and Christine makes it simple to navigate those turbulent, emotional waters involving money and heartbreak.  

Not just for the newly single woman, Christine's book will empower every woman who's finances could use some fixing, and help create a peaceful and positive relationship with their money.  

Inside, you'll find debt-reduction strategies, prosperity plan solutions and tips for saving to create a brilliant future.  All those invaluable lessons that should have been passed along from teachers or parents, but invariably are not, leaving most of us to struggle from paycheque to paycheque.  

She also goes through strategies to create a healthier money relationship with your life partner, when it's the right one, and advises on how to help your children create a healthy relationship with money as well.

Each chapter outlines simple, actionable steps, a proven process to facilitate positive transformation to help you create a brilliant, worry-free future - one where there's no need to say 'No' to lessons for the kids, postpone school supply shopping in September or have a breakdown when the car breaks down. 

These strategies put the reader confidently in control of their own finances.  

By the time you've finished reading, you'll have learned how to:

• Increase your financial security
• Identify and defuse your emotional money hot buttons
• Manage your personal finances with confidence
• Release the money baggage from your previous relationship - permanently
• Develop healthy money behaviours so you can move confidently forward toward your bright future 

Invaluable lessons for every woman and interwoven with relatable experiences that reach straight to the heart and soul of the matter - finances and emotion -, Christine paves a pathway through the wilderness experience of heartbreak and illustrates how to thrive through it all - and recover your financial dignity and own your financial power. 

Read the First 3 Chapters for Free

Currently trending on the New Release Best-Sellers List, Financial Dignity After Divorce is available on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca for Canadian readers. 

You'll find all kinds of favourable reviews there too.

The first three chapters of the book are available for preview and you're welcome to download them for Free on Christine's Website.   

As long as Christie keeps writing books about managing finances, I'll continue to read every single one of them.  I wish I'd had this particular treasure 25 years ago, it literally would have saved me from racking up $33,000 of debt before finally splitting from my ex, debt that plagued me for years afterward. 

A massive 'Thank You' to you, Christine Luken, for the transformative work you do to empower, educate and uplift women.  

You are a true financial lifeguard. 

Also By Christine Luken

Other helpful and highly recommended publications include:

1. Money is Emotional: Prevent your Heart from Hijacking Your Wallet

Christine has this to say about her 1st book:  "If money is emotional, then why do we persist in trying to manage our personal finances logically? We already know what it takes to become financially healthy: Spend less than we make, pay down our debt, and save more money.

I propose a better alternative, one that doesn’t require you to eat beans and rice or to spend hours updating budget spreadsheets. 

My approach to personal finance is called “Mindful Money Management.” It is unique in that it harnesses the power of your emotions, so they can propel you forward like a rocket booster toward your Preferred Financial Destination. 

Yes, money is emotional, but you can prevent your heart from hijacking your wallet. Let me show you how." 

Available from Amazon and Audible.

Download the first 3 chapters FREE here: www.MoneyIsEmotional.com

2. Manage Money Like a Boss: A Financial Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs

Christine has this to say about her 2nd book:  "You’re doing what you love for a living, making a business out of your creativity, whether it’s photography, fashion, music, marketing, writing, or crafting the perfect microbrew.

The only problem? Managing your business finances is a serious drag. Accounting is confusing. Taxes are scary.

And most financial experts you know are intimidating. (Are they speaking another language?)

You deserve financial guidance that’s simple to understand and implement, from someone who honors and appreciates your creativity. 

As both a writer and an accountant, I love both words and numbers. I will demystify money for you so it can become your best employee, rather than your worst nightmare.

This isn’t just a book about business finance. We dive deep into some surprising things that impact your bottom line, to help you make more money, get more customers, and look like a pro. 

I will give you both the confidence and competence to manage your money like a BOSS."

Available from Amazon.

Download the first 3 chapters FREE here:  

www.ManageMoneyLikeABoss.com

 About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms, and Sisters making a difference in the world.

For more information about her services and programs, visit www.coachforlife.ca or contact her via e-mail: andrea@coachforlife.ca

How to Persevere & Hold Hope In Your Heart Even When Times Are Tough

 

Sometimes, LIFE throws a curveball that lands smack in the teeth!

We're left reeling, shattered, and gasping - trying to recover from the devastating blow. 

Currently, there are wars raging, disasters threatening, and prices for just about everything are skyrocketing all around us.  It's getting more and more difficult to raise our families, stay healthy, and get 'all the things' we need to get done in a day - completed - and still keep a level head. 

Kinda grim, right?

So what can we do when the world around us is falling apart and we can't seem to put the pieces back together fast enough?  

It's times of utter devastation that prove to be the very best opportunities to practice mindfulness, resilience, and perseverance.  

These challenging times are exactly the ones we prepare for when we meditate, take an introspective break, pray, or invest in our personal growth and spiritual wellness in some other way. 

We must be willing to change our perspective and be intentional with our response to help us get through it all.  

Here are my best strategies to help you hold hope in your heart as you persevere - even through the devastation. 

1. Be Patient With Your Pain

Don't try to hide from your painful feelings or even try to fix them right away.  Begin by acknowledging your and recognizing why you're experiencing it. 

Next, challenge yourself to embrace your feelings with courage and compassion. Sit quietly with them.  Aim to be at peace with your feelings for a full minute. Practice this a few times each day or whenever you feel your pain overcoming you. When this happens, take a deep breath, re-center yourself, and begin again.

Notice when your mind wants to rebel with this peaceful approach. 

Eventually, with a little bit of time, you'll begin to feel better and recognize that you can stay with your feelings without the world coming to an end. You'll feel more in control of your feelings and less at the mercy of them.  

When the world feels like it's shattering around you, it's a good opportunity to practice this strategy.  

2. Be Fully Present In Each Moment

Sometimes, we avoid experiencing or appreciating the beauty of where we are because we feel we're not where we should be or we're not quite where we want to be. 

Stop for a second and think about it: Everything you've done has led you here.  

You are, right now, in this very moment, exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go.

Your life isn't lived in an envisioned place of the future. It's lived right here in this moment, with the reality of the way things are around you right now.  By all means, hope for and work toward creating the future you desire for yourself, but don't do it at the expense of the joy you can feel right now.   

Practice appreciating where you are right now - and what it took to get there.  

Celebrate who you've become too.  Every mistake you've made, and every win you've collected has contributed to the person you are today.  

Don't forget about your family and friends.  If they're significant to you, call them, text them, make time to get together, or video chat and connect. Be sure to let them know how you feel.

Take a few moments to remember how fortunate you are to be alive, to have people who love you and care about you, to have the health that you do, and if you're fortunate in the place where you live - be thankful for that.  Not everyone is as fortunate as you are.

You are blessed in so many ways.  

3. Happiness is a Choice

Remember that happiness is a mindset that must be celebrated presently.  

Your happiness right now doesn't come to you sometime in the future or from a moment in your past.  

You won't be 'more' happy when you lose 25 pounds or fit into that dress.  You won't suddenly be happy when you get accepted to that program or buy that new car. You won't be finally happy when you get married or win the lottery.  

Yes, those things bring joy.  There are certainly winning moments in life to celebrate but for your overall happiness, only YOU are truly responsible for it - and happiness can be yours at any weight, relationship status, age, and stage of your life... if you choose it.    

Choose to be joyful today.

4. Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude

While life has been challenging for so many of us these past couple of covid years and it has taken a toll on our mental health, our physical bodies, and certainly on our spirit, everything changes when we change our perspective. 

Say this out loud:  No matter how bad it is, or how bad it gets, there's always something to be thankful for. 

And it's true.  I'm not making that up. 

When we shift our focus from the negative circumstances we find ourselves in to what we have to be grateful for instead, we're forced to recognize how blessed we truly are.  

Having an attitude of gratitude fixes things immediately. 

And there always is something to recognize as a blessing, there's always a reason to take the next step forward:

• Your faith
• Your health
• Your family and friends who love you
• Your own indomitable spirit

Pick five more things and give thanks for them.  Big things, tiny ones, in-between ones too.  Doesn't matter...what is it that you're thankful for?

In fact, I highly recommend keeping a little gratitude journal and taking up a daily gratitude practice.  That one strategy is life-changing and it's as simple as starting your day in gratitude just by writing down a few things you're thankful for or finishing off your day that way.  

Personally - I practice gratitude in the morning and as I go to bed.  Starts the day off right and makes for better dreams at night. 

4. Consistency is the Key to Healthy Daily Routines

Make your health - all 3 aspects of it - your mental health, your physical body, and your soulful health - a priority in your life. 

To succeed, you'll need to make time in your schedule for your own self-care.  The easiest way to be successful at this is to create healthy rituals for yourself...and stick to them each day.   

We often think that inner strength is about how we respond to challenges and difficult circumstances.  And sure, that is part of it, but our resilience also comes from simply doing what's best for us each day - choosing to support our health - even when it's tough to choose it or when we could easily just curl up in bed with the tablet mindlessly scrolling the hours away.

Dire situations certainly do test our strength, courage, and bravery.  They stretch our resolve to the limits and take our determination to the breaking point - but true inner strength comes also from sticking to our daily habits and routines despite the chaos all around us - because that's what keeps us healthy and strong, and able to keep plowing ahead, and supporting others too as we do that.

• Your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength and to stay sharp. What will you do today to expand your mind? 
• Your body needs to move every day. Humans weren't meant to be sedentary.  Our bodies need movement, fresh air, and sunshine.  Our bodies need to stay hydrated and nourished. It needs enough rest to replenish to perform optimally and stay healthy.  What will you do today to move more? Hydrate? Eat healthily?  Will you get enough sleep? 
• Your soul needs nourishing too.  What will you do today to nourish it?  What brings you joy?

If you don't make a conscious choice to challenge yourself or motivate yourself to do the things you must to stay healthy and balanced of mind, body, and soul, how can you possibly provide support and care for others who depend on you? 

It's up to you to give yourself the things you need to stay healthy and strong. 

Here are just a few suggestions for things you can do today to support your health and wellness - even when the world around you is falling apart:

• Take a 20-30 minute walk in the sun and fresh air
• Read something that teaches you a thing or 2
• Text or video chat with an old friend, a relative, or your parents or grandparents
• Do something fun with your kids - like try a new recipe for dinner or play a board game
• Take up a journalling practice - I highly recommend incorporating a bit of gratitude into your daily routine - it's life-changing, I swear it
• Dance (really...I mean it, turn on the music and dance around with the duster if you must, but seriously add some fun into your life)
• Practice an instrument - it's never too late to take up a musical instrument
• Find a hobby you LOVE...and actually block off time in your schedule to do it.  Regular weekly time. 
• Drink a whole lot of water.  Add lemon or lime to it for a boost of vitamin C - your body will thank you for it.
• Get 8 hours of good quality sleep (do you have a healthy sleepy time routine?)
• Hydrotherapy - the wonders of a relaxing bath with essential oils in the water or in a nearby diffuser, an aromatherapy candle absolutely can't be underestimated - soul nourishment right there to fit anyone's budget.
• Have a movie marathon with your family or close friends - choose laughter.  Humour is incredibly restorative to your spirit.
• Send loving texts or positive messages to friends and family members - a special one for your partner will be cherished, I'm sure. 

It's up to you to give yourself the things you need to stay healthy and there are literally thousands of possible options that'll help contribute to your wellness.  

These are just a handful of suggestions.  Be creative.  What feeds your soul?  What brings you joy?

Inner strength is built through small, daily victories piled on top of each other day after day.  It's the individual choices we make each day that build up our resilience muscles - and that's the kind of strength needed to weather the chaotic storms of life. 

We all want that kind of strength, especially when times are tough. Your positive daily rituals will prove your mental fortitude and move you forward in a the right direction >>> onward, my friend. 

5. Self-Compassion is Key

When you're treating yourself with self-compassion and kindness, you're treating yourself as you would your best friend whom you love or a beloved family member who's going through a challenging time. 

Extend compassion to yourself by:

• Taking the pressure off to do too much in a day
• Being gentle with the demands and expectations you put on yourself
• Giving yourself a break to do what you enjoy or just to rest

You are NOT being lazy for taking a mental-health day to just do something you enjoy - even if it's on the couch, in your jammies with a good book.  

These are powerful, science-based strategies for quieting your inner critical voice that likes to lay blame and shame. That Nasty Gremlin (yes, I have one too - sounds just like my Mom) only serves to fuel anxiety and depression.  

Give yourself a break.  Rest, soul replenishment, rejuvenation - you deserve that gift that only you can give to yourself.   

6. Hold Hope In Your Heart

We've come through so much over the past few years and many things had to be put on hold postponed, adjusted to accommodate.  

Right now, we're watching in horror as innocent people are losing their homes, their livelihoods and freedoms, their safety, and even their lives.   

And yet, all is NOT lost. 

Love.  Hope.  Treating ourselves with Grace.  Your own ability to give yourself some loving and much-needed self-care along with your powerful ability to share kindness and positivity to those around you.  

None of that is 'canceled'.  None of that changes. 

Right now is a chance to focus on the little things that matter significantly.

Our human experience is FULL of love, compassion, creative solutions, joy, and connection: 

• The taste of a delicious meal
• The incredibly rewarding feeling of being exhausted after a productive or challenging day or an exhilarating work-out
• Your partner's embrace
• Your child's laughter

Plus there's always this:  our powerful ability to uplift others, to spread kindness, and to share positivity with those around us.

While the news is full of darkness and horrors, it's also full of stories of triumph, compassion, and the amazing indomitable spirit of humans overcoming. 

The key right now is to NOT allow life's difficulties to get the best of you - to hold hope in your heart and the belief in your soul that you (and we as a collective) will get through this.  

Consider for a moment the most heartbreaking, soul-crushing, gut-wrenching circumstances you've overcome in your past - even if it brings up some sad or uncomfortable feelings.  

Now skip to where you are today.  You may not have felt it at the time, but back then, going through the crap likely sucked a tonne of joy from your life, but coming through those challenges, and overcoming them, has given you incredible gifts:   Resilience, Courage, Emotional Intelligence, Resourcefulness - skills that will serve you well for the next challenges to come on down the path. 

Not only do you have the benefits of the lessons you've learned, but you also have the confidence that you overcame. You can even teach those lessons to others too.

These nasty circumstances have not come to stay - they've come to pass.   

7. Ask For Support

If you're finding it difficult to cope or if you're having trouble focusing throughout the day, recognize that you're human and reach out to someone close to you.  

We're community beings and connection with others staves off depression and anxiety. 

You're not alone.  

If you're finding things really tough, don't hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional.  

A Gift For You

If you'd like some help setting up a Stepping Stone Plan to achieve your next 3 spring goals, or creating a self-care plan that's right for you, I'd be delighted to chat.

Contact me to schedule a FREE 'Ready For More' Focus Session.

By the end of it, you'll have:

1. Crystal Clarity about your next steps &
2. A clear and customized Action Guide to help you achieve what you want, PLUS
3. Some resources to help you along your way.

 About the Author:

Andrea Raco, is a Certified Success and Life Enrichment Coach, Founder of Coach for Life, and Curator of Gold Key Club ~ a private community for Ladypreneurs, Supermoms, and Sisters making a difference in the world.

For more information about her services and programs, visit www.coachforlife.ca or contact her via e-mail: andrea@coachforlife.ca.